


Broken

by Lolisdabest4



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Avengers - Freeform, Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Character Death, Death, Depression, F/M, Happy Ending, Hydra (Marvel), I should be doing schoolwork, Insomnia, Kidnapping, Love, My First Fanfic, Nightmares, PTSD, Piano, Rape, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Has A Heart, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29307426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolisdabest4/pseuds/Lolisdabest4
Summary: "It was easy to get along with Bucky, and sometimes you found yourself wondering if your friendship could ever become something more, but you quickly brushed off the thought. No one would want a broken mess like you."⚠️⚠️ TW //  SUICIDE, SELF HARM , DEPRESSION, RAPE AND ANXIETY. DO NOT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU !!⚠️⚠️An avengers fan fiction where you are Tony  stark's daughter. This isn't set in any particular time, I messed around with the plot, got rid of characters and added characters.Updated regularlyEnjoy ☺️💕
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1 - is today a good day to die ?

⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️///DEPRESSION , ANXIETY, SUICIDE , IMPLIED SELF HARM. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU 

**********

You were at the edge. Very literally. You didn't care to question yourself why you were on the roof of the avengers tower at 3am. You wanted to die.  
The view from the roof was incredible. The stars and moon were out in full brightness. It looked wonderful. The world was almost silent. Your life was so busy , so noisy and being up here helped to remind you of the quiet. But today you weren't here to admire the view. The cold whipped at your face, and the wind rustled your hair. You kept your breathing as steady as it could be as you looked down at the land below. It was a very long drop. But this would be the quickest way.  
You'd failed your most recent mission.  
Lives , innocent lives had been lost. And the blood was on your hands. It wasn't usually like you but ever since you were diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety a couple of months ago you hadn't been doing well . You had been running on very little sleep, it was hard to concentrate. But nobody knew. And so you had to carry on. But you couldn't anymore. It was impossible.  
You drew in a long, shaky breath and shut your eyes. You were ready, this was it. Your right foot shuffled closer to the edge, and your left was about to follow suit when  
"Y/N?"  
Shit  
A voice from behind you. You wiped your tears before whipping your head around and stepping down from the roof quickly. Steve. You were living today then.  
You rushed past him quickly and he said not a word as he turned to look at you walk through the door and down the stairs. You hoped and prayed to god that he wouldn't tell Tony. You were extremely close with all the avengers; being Tony Stark’s daughter and all, but Steve was always so busy. You talked to him the least and so you found yourself wondering if he would keep it a secret. If the rest of the team , If dad found out, they wouldn't let you on any more missions and one thing you really needed was to keep yourself occupied.  
You also found yourself wondering why Steve was up there at 3am. On the roof. You had told F.R.I.D.A.Y not to alert anyone where you were going, what you were about to do. You knew she watched when you cried yourself to sleep. When you washed the blood down the sink in the bathroom. It was easy to cover the cuts with a bandage and say it was from your mission. No one suspected.  
You were back to your room now, careful not to wake Nat or Wanda in their rooms down the hall as you opened the door with a soft click.  
That night you felt nothing. You didn't even cry. You lay in bed thinking. Worrying about Steve telling, about your failed mission. The avengers had all been supportive but they knew it was unlike you. Eventually it wasn't long before sleep swallowed you up.

***************

You woke with a start, sweaty and out of breath. Another nightmare. About your mission. The light was on, it was always on. You hated the dark. When the nightmares awoke you for the thousandth time that night, you felt glad to see your surroundings clear and bright. You reminded yourself where you were. It was 6am, some of the team would be up by now but you needed to rest.  
You were asleep all day, and the day after that. When Nat and Wanda came to visit you told them you were ill with your period. They told Dad, excluding the details but really you just needed an excuse to sleep. You felt drained. Mentally.  
When you finally had the motivation to get out of bed, it was Thursday. Three days after the roof. Wanda had been delivering your meals to your room but you weren't eating them. Now you were hungry.  
It was 10am so most of the team would be out on missions. You had a shower and changed into a burgundy sweater and some black sweatpants, just something comfy and casual, then you made your way downstairs to the kitchen.

***************  
Just as you had expected, most of the avengers were out. Bruce was working in the lab, and Peter was nowhere to be found. You found yourself grabbing a cup of water and some cookies from the kitchen, you were having dinner later with the whole team so you didn't feel like eating too much, before you found yourself sitting down at the grand piano in the living room.  
You hadn't played for anyone on the team apart from your dad. You always played in secret; when you knew that no one was listening and you had checked quickly, to find no one. Now you sat before the Ivory keys. You started to tap out a melody before the song turned into one you knew all too well. You sang along. It was a sad song; complicated to play , one of your all time favourites. You felt the emotion and for a moment you forgot. Your hands gracefully moved up and down the keys, creating blissful harmonies. All you knew was the music, you forgot about your struggles, the mission, about The roof, Steve. Everything. You got lost in it, savouring the sound and pouring your heart and soul into the keys.  
It was only until you heard soft clapping from inside the room that you realised the song had stopped. You looked up from the keys abruptly and above the piano to see Bucky, leaning in the doorway. Immediate embarrassment crept in and your cheeks went red. You were sure no one was around, you must have been playing long enough for him to walk in and you were so caught up in the music that you didn't realise.  
"I didn't know you could play." He says with a smile. "Or sing." he added.  
"I thought you were on a mission." You fired back a little defensive.  
"I was."  
"Oh right well um..... please don't tell anyone about this, Tony's the only person who has ever heard me play, and now you, of course." You grinned at him shyly.  
"Your secret is safe with me stark." he smiled back. 

*****************

You sat down and chatted in the living room for the rest of the morning. It was easy to get along with Bucky, and sometimes you found yourself wondering if your friendship could ever become something more, but you brushed off the thought. No one would want a broken mess like you.  
Peter arrived from god knows where halfway through and Bruce took a break from whatever important work he was doing in the lab and came to join the conversation. You had a good laugh together. You loved your friends, your family. And they loved you. But you didn't see that.  
You were eating dinner with them tonight. No one bothered to ever make an effort. You would all too often turn up in your pyjamas. You stuck your hair up in a ponytail and swapped the sweatpants for some ripped jeans before you put in some little Pearl stud earrings. You didn't feel pretty. You never felt pretty, but it was an upgrade from the sweatpants at least. You looked at yourself in the mirror and sighed, you knew Steve would be there and you knew it would be awkward. But no one, not even Tony's own daughter got out of these "family" dinners. You had tried before, to no extent. It was likely he would drag someone to the table even if they were half dead and the food was spectacular you had to admit. So you headed into the elevators and downstairs to where they were all sitting. Nat, Wanda, tony, Bucky, Bruce, Peter, vision - though he only ate human food at rare occasions - Thor, Clint, hell even loki. And Steve. Sitting opposite the last empty seat. You took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, and pushed open the glass doors. It was going to be a long night


	2. Chapter 2 - family dinners are supposed to be fun

⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️///IMPLIED SELF HARM, PANIC ATTACK, DEPRESSION. PLEASE DONT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU

**************

You'd said hello to everyone politely, and sat down at the table. You really didn't want to eat but you forced yourself. After all you felt rude to decline - Wanda had cooked this especially. You tried like your life depended on it not to make eye contact with Steve, though he was right in your eye line. Bruce and Tony were talking about more science stuff but you didn't speak their language and you zoned out quickly. It was only when you heard your name that you snapped out of your daze  
"Yeah?" you asked, sounding tired  
"I said are you feeling better now?" It was Tony. You caught Steve looking at you from the corner of your eye but kept your gaze firm on your dads face, perhaps firmer that you should have as Tony shifted back in his seat, darting his eyes down, clearly uncomfortable.  
"Yeah I'm fine, just girl stuff, you don't want details" Someone choked on their drink. You forced away your smile and turned to look at the rest of the team. Bruce was coughing. This would be fun  
"What Bruce? Something go down the wrong way?" You saw Nat smile at you, Wanda too. They knew what you were playing at   
"I .. no , um ..... yeah I mean I-" Bruce stammered. Everyone was watching you, some shyly from the top of their dinner plates. He started to blush. Bruce banner. The Incredible Hulk. He was utterly terrified of you and you loved it.  
"Well I'll admit I didn't take you for having a weak stomach, being the hulk and all." You smiled with a hint of sarcasm.  
A long silence.  
A very long silence.  
Nat and Wanda were still smiling, so was Thor. Where Thor came from women's bodies worked different. Telling him had been hilarious.  
Bucky was smiling faintly too, you knew he could handle it. So was vision, but he was just smiling because Wanda was smiling. Bruce could control his transformation most of the time. But to be honest you weren't full sold on the idea of him changing here at dinner. So with a heavy heart, you left it alone.  
"Okayyyy...........if we are done here..." Tony started and cleared his throat. You let out a soft low chuckle, these boys around you were warriors, they had seen bloodshed, seen death. You often found yourself smiling at the idea that they couldn't stomach the idea of the "natural inner workings" of a woman, Tony called it. What babies. You caught someone still smiling at you across the table - Bucky. You caught his stare and smiled back and for just a second, you meant it- really. 

***********

When all of you were finished with your dinner, you headed to the living room and sat down in your favourite armchair in the corner by the piano. Everyone was having their own conversations. Loki and Thor were engaged in an argument once again. Tony, Nat, Bruce and Clint were standing in a group over the pool table. Wanda was with vision. Bucky with Steve. Everyone had their crowd. You felt out of place. Not forgotten about, no they would always include you when you wanted them too : you just felt wrong. Like you didn't belong here, like you were just Tony's daughter. Not an avenger, not a part of them. You sank back farther in your chair, it was nearly midnight, you weren't tired, you were just unsettled. More than awake if anything. You were most worried about Steve walking over to you, starting a conversation, so worried that you bid goodnight to your dad and headed hurriedly to your room. 

*************

You paced up and down. You felt energetic, riled up. Your heart started to pound in your chest quicker and heavier and quicker and heavier with every second. After a while your hands started to shake gently, and breathing became difficult. You were having a panic attack. You had them enough to know the signs. You stopped walking and stood on the spot, you concentrated on your breathing - In... and out.... in .... and out..... You didn't know how to cope with these properly, the doctor had given you a diagnosis, yes, but not how to stop them - you usually just waited them out. You went down to sit on the edge of your bed, cross legged, hands on your knees, rocking back and forth slowly. You felt trapped in your head , you felt scared. You started to cry and sob until your eyes were sore and your cheeks were stained. You sometimes wish you had someone to help your through these, but nobody had ever seen one and would probably not know how to help you through it. You knew it was selfish but the last thing you wanted was someone sitting next to you, silent, unsure of what to do to help.  
You knew that Bucky had them, you'd seen him on the roof one night sitting against the wall, his knees hugged into his chest breathing hard. You wanted to go over to him and to help him, but you were too scared. You had good intentions but you couldn't shake the feeling that nobody wanted you to help. You earned yourself 3 cuts that night , for being such a terrible and unreliable friend. For not helping when you could've. But you were glued to the spot, and you left him alone.  
You had calmed down, your breathing was steady but you were still crying quietly. You managed to get control of yourself and pull yourself to the bathroom. 

***********

You stared in the mirror for a long time, at your messy hair, your tear stained cheeks. At the mess that you didn't recognise. A wreck. You sobbed harder and harder and gripped the edges of the sink. You pulled back the cabinet doors next to your mirror and slid open the draw concealed in the back. You slid out your knife. No one knew you had this, if they did they probably wouldn't care. Most of you kept a weapon in your room, you had to be prepared for any time of the day or night.  
You placed it in the sink with shaky hands and eyed it. It took every ounce of will you had in your body not to grab that knife. You stared at it for a long time before leaving it there and charging back into your bedroom, slamming the door to the bathroom on the way there. And grabbing your head in your hands, pulling at your hair. You felt pressure building up in your head, and your vision started to go blurry. You grabbed harder and harder until-  
a soft knock at the door. You quickly straightened up your ponytail and wiped your cheeks. You took a deep breath, plastered on a smile and opened the door.


	3. Chapter 3 - The right time

⚠️⚠️TW⚠️⚠️// SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU.

  
**********

A part of you knew who was going to be standing at that door. But you denied it, and you believed yourself.   
So that's why you were now standing in front of Steve.   
You had been putting off the conversation for days, it was bound to happen eventually.   
"Come in" you said with a small smile and ushered Steve into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. He stood there looking at you for a while. It would seem neither of you knew where to start, who even has this conversation?  
"Y/N." he started after a while, here we go then. "Are you okay?" He said softly, his eyes locked firmly on your face.  
So we're going down this route then.   
No.   
You weren't okay. And you wanted desperately to say something, to tell him that you were a mess, that you were broken and you felt like no one could help, like the only way out was death. But of course you couldn't tell him, you couldn't tell anyone. You didn't want to be treated different, like you were the weakling. You didn't want to be told to stay at home, away from missions.   
You sucked up your feelings.  
"Yeah." You smiled widely and sweetly "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"   
You hoped you were convincing. You were always a good liar, it helped greatly to get you out of sticky situations. But today, now, you were wavering. Steve knew it.   
"I just. I just want to know.....Y/N. Why were you on the roof? What's going on?" He said with genuine concern on his face. He cared about you. You knew it deep down, you knew he was worried for his friend. But he'd gone through this with Bucky already, you'd seen the toll it had took on him. He didn't need the stress, he had important jobs to do , they all had. You had. As much as you needed someone you just couldn't do it to him. Not yet.   
Maybe not ever.  
"I was-"   
Shit  
"I was-" You stammered once again.  
You couldn't think of an excuse. You couldn't think. You racked your brain again and again for an answer, for an excuse, something to get you off the hook, out of this mess. But your brain came up short. Again and again. Your breathing was getting heavier. When you were made aware of this you tried to keep it as quiet and steady as you could. You didn't need to be given away this way. You slipped out of your trance and focused back on him, your face stone cold.   
You shook your head  
Back and forth   
Back and forth   
Your words had failed you   
Your breathing heavier and raspier by the second  
Your eyes were getting red, the tears welling up before you could stop them. You dropped your head to try and hide them as they fell hot and fresh down your cheeks quietly. You stood like that for a while, crying silently.   
Steve approached slowly, quietly. You wondered what he'd do, what he'd say. You'd put him in an impossible situation, you'd just told the one man out of all the team that you virtually never spoke to that you wanted to die.   
You couldn't do right, you hurt everyone around you. You hurt Steve, Bucky, you'd killed innocent people. When was it going to end. When were you going to stop self destructing everything around you, destroying every good thing you had. At the dinner, you could've joined anyone's conversations, they would gladly welcome you in and you knew it. Instead you sat there, feeling left out.   
You were so selfish   
And you hurt people

***********

You made the choice in a split second   
Before you could stop yourself you were running. Down the hallway. You heard footsteps, you heard voices. Everything was blurry and distorted. You ran and you ran, the world was flying past. You found yourself unable to think. You had to get out, you had to leave. Leave everything. You had to end it. You couldn't deal with the pain anymore. 

*********

You found yourself at the ledge. You were breathing heavy, you were crying . The footsteps behind you stopped. It was cold, freezing cold. The wind whipped at your face, your hair. All over again.   
You screamed   
You screamed and you shouted and you cried until your ears were ringing into the night surrounding you.  
You felt it close in around you, like it was trying to steal you away.   
You wanted it too.   
"Y/N!"   
You jumped. You lost your footing and you stumbled and in that small moment, you weren't ready to die. Your knees and hands met the ground and you felt the stinging. The pain whipped you back to reality and suddenly everything around you was clear. Your ears weren't ringing. You could make out the voices behind you.  
You heard Steve   
Then Bucky   
Bruce   
Wanda   
Nat   
You turned slowly on the ledge, careful with your feet, to look at the group standing there all in states of panic. Everyone.  
Everyone   
Everyone was there.   
You scanned your eyes around quickly; surveying. Bucky was being held back by Natasha and Clint and they were struggling against his grip. He was shouting your name.  
Vision and Wanda, Thor and Loki , and Peter were by the door. Their faces pained and in shock, mouths open. And out on the roof, the closest to you were Steve, Bruce,   
And Tony. Your father.  
You looked them each in the eye, your face pained with shock and utter devastation, they were all here. All of them. Here to save you.   
"Y/N" Steve started, so soft it was little more than a whisper, and then a hand outstretched towards you. You looked towards it and panicked, shuffling a little on your feet. You saw Bruce reach towards you and Bucky lurch forward a little.  
"Y/N. Come down. Please." He said, his face unreadable. You tried to think.   
Tried to process their words.   
You couldn't speak. For the moment you were just frozen.  
"Y/N." a different voice, your fathers voice. You turned to look at him, your fathers face . The sight almost ruined you. It broke your heart. Silent tears were running down his face. "I can't lose you." he said, a whisper. His voice cracked and sounded hoarse. He must've been shouting , but you didn't hear .   
But you still wanted to leave; you needed to leave. They might stop you if you stall. You needed to go. Now.  
You found it in you to talk, to say goodbye.   
"Thank you for everything guys." Your voice was rough, hoarse. "I'm grateful. Forever." You smiled slightly. You took in each of their faces one last time. The people you had grown to love, had laughs with. Made memories with, suffered with. It was all these people. Your eyes settled on your father. He would be better off without you. You had to do it.  
"And I'm sorry"   
Before your brain could say no, before someone could stop you, before you could stop yourself, your foot was off the edge, and you were tilting backwards. Screams,   
your name  
sobs.   
Then you were falling. Falling gracefully, quietly. You looked up at the night sky, the stars and the moon. You smiled at the beautiful sight. The last thing you would ever see.   
You were falling for forever, down, down, into the night. 

There was silence   
And then impact   
The ground. Cold, hard beneath your bones. Your hearing had escaped you. You didn't hear the ear splitting crunch.   
The darkness came before you felt any pain. You welcomed it in.  
And it swallowed you up.  
Forever.


	4. Chapter 4 - five months later....

*************

You woke up to a bright light. Blinding. For a second you thought you were in heaven, or just whatever afterlife there was. You opened your eyes slowly, finding them stiff, your eyelashes sticking together and the first thing you saw was a door. Then walls, a ceiling, a chair, a table. The rest of your body came into focus, most concealed under a thick white blanket. You had something attached to your mouth, you couldn't see what exactly it was and so you went to move your arm to take it off. But your left arm was in a cast.  
A cast  
You took it in, what this meant. You had survived, you were alive. You didn't know how.  
But you didn't want to be. 

***********

Your heart sunk. You were in a hospital bed, very much alive. Then the tears started and they didn't stop even when a young nurse walked into the room with shock on her face. As if you were the very last person she was expecting to see today. How long had you been out?  
You couldn't help but notice that no one was here when you woke up. There was no dad, no one on the team. No flowers or cards, not that you had expected there to be. Your heart shattered. You were right that they didn't care about you. They didn't even visit you in hospital. You carried on thinking like this for a while until you realised what you had realised that night with Steve before the roof. You were the selfish one. You had hurt them. You couldn't blame them for anything.

**********

While the nurse fumbled with wires and tubes you racked your brain to try and remember anything from that night.  
You remember Steve, Tony and Bruce on the roof, remember jumping, remember people screaming, and looking at the stars. Then it all fades, and you can't remember what happened next. So you tried to speak to the nurse as she hovered above you, a clipboard in her hand, looking at a monitor to your right.  
"H-" you started. "How-". Your voice wasn't even a whisper. It was scratchy and rough and croaky and you didn't recognise it at all. It was as if you hadn't spoken in months.  
But she heard you at least. She put her finger to her mouth in a shushing motion and said :"Don't speak doll. you'll strain your voice" Her voice was soft and quiet.  
"I suppose you'll want answers?" She said to you. You didn't recognise her but she spoke to you like a friend. She must've been your nurse in the time you were asleep. You nodded at her slowly. Your head pounding as you did. You winced slightly. A headache. She grabbed your right hand, the one without the cast, the tubes running through it digging into your skin slightly, but not so It hurt. She looked you in your eyes and you prepared for the worst.  
"You were in a coma for 5 months." She said, while stroking your hand with her thumb.  
A coma. You'd been in a coma. And for five months.  
"You've got broken ribs, a broken left arm, a broken right leg. They have been healing all this time, but they were clean breaks - you'll need a little longer before they are right again, you will have to use crutches for the leg in the meantime I'm afraid. You had a bad concussion and internal bleeding to the stomach when you arrived here. You're lucky to be alive Y/N."  
But that's the point. You didn't want to be alive.  
You nodded again, though it hurt tremendously too. You wondered if she knew what happened, that you fell off the roof with a purpose. To die. But surely she wouldn't have said those words if she knew. You wondered if she knew you were an avenger. She didn't look at you with fear or with pride in her eyes. Just sorrow. Too see a 20 girl in this position. A young girl. You wondered if she had a daughter of her own, and then your mind flicked back to your dad.  
"I'm going to let you get some sleep now, your sats are normal, and your dinner will be brought tonight if you want it but I do encourage you to try and eat." She moved over to you. "I'm going to take this off okay?" Sue gestured to the oxygen mask, you figured it was, on your face. You nodded again. When she removed it from your face you felt like you were drowning.  
"Breathe." She instructed you.  
Then she showed you how and breathed with you. In and out. In and out. Slowly and deeply. Until your breathing was slow, and normal and you weren't breathing borrowed air. She gave you a rub on the shoulder and went to open the door.  
"Any problems, just press the call button." She said with a smile, pointing to the big red button on the table to your right, attached to a wire leading under the mattress of the bed. You took in your surroundings once more and before sleep swallowed you up again, you made yourself a promise.  
You would get better.  
And you would live.  
Even if you didn't want to.


	5. Chapter 5 - “hospital”

You slept for days. Yet each day you were more tired than the last. The nurse checked on you when you were awake, which was very little. Still no one had come to visit you, and you hadn't mentioned them to the nurse - you knew they must be busy.   
Each day you were getting better, the arm was nearly fully healed, your leg too - though it would take a couple more weeks. You hadn't left your bed, the most you'd done was sit up. You were weak from lack of food, and just constantly tired. The nurse said it was your brain helping you recover.

********

It was a Wednesday night, when you were awake, when a new doctor came in to your hospital room. He was tall, had granite grey hair, and looked old. He wore round glasses that framed his tired and red eyes. You couldn't look at his eyes too long, they made you feel uneasy. A bit sick. He checked the various monitors around the room, and took some tests. He checked your eyes with a torch that almost blinded you, checked inside your ears. He even assessed your muscle strength, in your broken limbs and also in your normal ones. You spent an hour getting poked and prodded, the only noise from the doctor being grunts and "hm's". He took your cannula out of your arm, to no explanation. He then left with what you were assuming as being the results of his testing on a clipboard, and you saw him talk closely with another doctor in the hallway through the blinds on the windows in your room.   
You thought doctors were more talkative. You thought they had to be talkative. He didn't even tell you what he was doing. But you wanted to recover, you could only think he was doing his job the best he could and you needed to let them help you, so you could get back to the avengers. So you could see your family again. Because god, you wanted to; you really did miss them. 

***********

You didn't really feel like sleeping tonight, oddly. So you thought to test your powers, you hadn't remembered to check after your fall, you'd been so caught up in the emotional aftermath.  
You looked down at your right , uncasted hand. And turned it over so your palm was facing up. When you were sure everything was ready you began the all too familiar method of focusing your mind. You thought of the fire, the water, the wind, and the dust. Thought of them bubbling up inside you. You pictured them in your head, as clear as day: you saw how they moved, what they looked like, what they felt like in your hand. When you were sure your mind was focused you waited. And waited. And.... waited.   
Normally it wouldn't take this long.  
You opened your eyes and checked your hand. Nothing.   
You clenched and unclenched your fist and started again. You cleared your mind and thought of the fire, the water, the wind, and the dust. You pictured them again - saw how they moved, how they felt in your hand. You were waiting for the surge of power that usually builded in you before you could unleash it. But weirdly, nothing came. You were worried, but what did you expect, you'd had concussion, that must've affected your brain. You sighed and left it alone- for now. You wished Tony or Bruce were here to help you understand what was happening to you. You thought of them coming to visit you, when they weren't busy anymore, but the more you did the more impossible it seemed.   
5 months. Roughly 21 weeks. A long, long time.   
With nothing to do but think and procrastinate, you closed your eyes and soon drifted off into dreamless sleep. 

***********

You woke up slowly to your name being called. One of the other avengers ? Finally come to see you ? As you came round, the room came into view. It was dark and unfamiliar, like none of the rooms at the avengers tower. Why weren't you in your hospital room? When had you been moved? A dark figure loomed over you, they must've been the one saying your name. Behind him you could make out the glow of a light.   
Your senses came back to you, one by one. First sight, then sound. Then you could feel something. Something on your head, something cold. You saw you were still wearing your hospital gown and thats when the figure above you became more distinct and you could see it clear. A man smiled, not welcomingly. Evilly. You tried to shift away from him, panic starting to creep slowly into your brain, your body. Everything was itching to say get away from him, but you couldn't shuffle far. You felt cold on your ankles, you wrists. When you shuffled your right leg hurt tremendously. It was then you reached the height of your panic. You thrashed as much as you could against the cold despite the pain from your broken leg and opened your mouth, but no sound came out. You tried again and again, but you couldn't talk, no words could escape your mouth. You kept on thrashing when the cold on your head became crushing. You had no idea what was going on. Your eyes darted around the room to see more shadows each stood around the edge of the room. More people? Why were they here? Why were you here? The face above you muffled something in a language that wasn't English. Were you even still in the country? Just then; as if it was a command he had given, two shadows stepped forward from their places closest to you. One of them grabbed your jaw and forced it open, you were so weak from the sleep that you couldn't do more than thrash your body. You couldn't understand why they were doing this. They put something in your mouth, over the smell and taste of chemicals you could taste metal, like the taste of blood. You had metal in your mouth, you couldn't move your legs, or your arms. Something was keeping you down, restraints. You were stuck and you had no idea what was going to happen to you. 

***********

The man above you looked into your eyes and crooned something in the unknown language, his tone of voice was enough to make you want to scream and shout for help, but you couldn't make any sound. You started crying then. You were meant to be in hospital, recovering, but you were here, with this man, in this dark room full of strangers and you were stuck.   
Just then you heard a whirring sound. Like a generator being powered up. Your whole body froze completely. You managed to quickly flash your eyes towards the source of the noise before you saw a man reaching for a bright red lever. Your eyes widened. This was not good. At all. And you could tell no one was going to save you. 

Just then, pain so unimaginable and like you have never felt it before split though your head. Enough to make you scream silently. You couldn't think, couldn't breathe. You shut your eyes to try and relieve some of the pain. But it was like a thousand red hot pokers were being prodded constantly into your brain. It felt hot, scorching hot. You wondered why you hadn't blacked out, you wanted to, god you wanted to relive the pain. But it lasted still, for about 10 seconds more. You were still screaming around the metal in your mouth, still crying viciously, and thrashing when it stopped.   
You opened your eyes, ever so cautious. You were still here, in the dark room. The man above you smiled sweetly once more, muttering something and waving his hand as he turned away. The men that had put the metal into your mouth, removed it. They came to your head, your wrists, then your ankles, and you felt the cold disappear everywhere.   
You were yanked abruptly from your spot lying down by your left - still broken but now uncasted - arm. It stung in pain and tears pricked at your eyes, but it was nothing compared to the burning you'd just experienced. You felt dizzy as they stood either side of you and practically dragged you out of the room. The cast on your leg off too.   
You got a good glimpse of where you'd just been lying, at the lever and the machine it rested on. And at the guards uniforms standing either side of the door you were headed too. At the badges stuck to their chests above the dark green fabric. A skull - red - with 6 tentacles - also red.   
You'd know that badge in your sleep.   
HYDRA


	6. Chapter 6 - Cell

HYDRA  
You didn't know how but they had you. And you were terrified. But you had no time to think just yet as the guards dragged you through hallways and down sets of stairs. You didn't know wether to kick and thrash and fight back or to just let them drag you to wherever you were going. But you didn't have your powers. You were weak. You stood no chance against them: they were heavily armed with guns you had never seen before. Every door you passed, every corner, had guards lurking there- you would be heavily outnumbered.   
You took a note of the doors you passed, the turns you took, the stairwells, creating a map in your head- Tony and S.H.I.E.L.D had trained you for things like this.   
You went down a final stairwell, into a room nearly fully dark, save for two dim circular lights flashing and buzzing on the roof above.   
They marched you to a cell, all on its own, secluded in a corner from the dark room. There were already 3 guards posted at each corner of the room. Without the capacity to panic, you let them throw you into the dark cell, the damp ground slicing your knees as you fell on your broken leg. You let out a scream of pain, your voice reaching you finally. You heard metal clunking behind you and low murmurs In Russian , you now realised, before 5 pairs of footsteps trailing away. You managed to lift and turn your head back towards the door you were so violently thrown through , and you could see no guards posted anywhere. Why would they leave you unattended? Didn't they know your training? What you were capable of? 

*************

You hauled yourself into the far corner of the cell that was just wall and sat, staring at the darkness. A thousand thoughts flew around your head, you couldn't concentrate on one. You had so many questions. But you would get answers. You were going to find out their plan, and you were going to escape.   
You rested your head back on the cold wall behind you, and you couldn't help thinking of Bucky. He'd barely even touched on details about what happened to him while he was under HYDRA's mind control, hadn't gone into any specifics. But he had severe PTSD, you had seen a panic attack with your own eyes. You knew that they brainwashed him, and got him to do unspeakable things to people while he wasn't himself. But you didn't exactly know how.   
And then it clicked.   
When you were being dragged out of the room earlier, you had glimpsed a machine, with a red lever. You'd been lying on a table, been strapped down, and you'd had a block of metal in your mouth. You'd watched plenty of TV, and you were so sure you had seen that setup elsewhere. But that couldn't be possible, you wouldn't be able to remember Bucky, you wouldn't have been able to map parts of the facility. Your brain would be completely frazzled.   
You knew it was a long shot, but was it possible that whatever they intended to do with your brain didn't work? After all, they left you here with no guards, you hadn't fought back at them when they were dragging you out of sheer terror, but they expected that. For you to be docile.   
Well then that's what you would be. If it meant getting closer to finding out more information about them, their plan.   
But if this was true, then how?   
Bucky was strong, trained as well as you, but he fell into submission as easy as that, completely powerless. What made you so special? 

*************

You were still thinking that when you had an idea. Again this was a long shot; a very long shot. But you had to try. You wanted to let the avengers know you were okay. A part of you was still fighting for the fact that they didn't care about you. But HYDRA must've captured you straight off the floor after the roof , and if that was the case they would, wherever they thought you were, presume you dead or close to it.   
You didn't let yourself think about the roof for much longer. After the words you had promised yourself in the hospital a few days ago you hadn't let yourself think once about your mental state. It was something you would figure out later, you had more important things to be doing at the moment. Now that you had VIP access to the inner workings of S.H.I.E.L.D's biggest and most longstanding enemy.   
You also didn't let yourself think of the pain that was sure to come every time they tried to brainwash you. It nearly knocked you out last time.   
So you pushed your mind away from these things quickly and turned your focus to Wanda. You knew this probably wouldn't work, but you had to try. You imagined Wanda, her smile, the way she made you laugh and you focused on the image of her inside your brain.   
I'm okay. You said again and again in your head, concentrating on her. It's Y/N. I'm alive, I'm okay but I'm not safe. HYDRA. You thought these words again and again trying desperately to 'send' them to Wanda. Until you fell to sleep with them still in your head, clutching your knees to your chest, tears rolling down your cheeks and imagining the faces of the ones you love the most. 

***********

You woke up to that metal clanging again. You didn't know how you even got to sleep or how long you were out. You had a headache, courtesy of the pain.. yesterday? You didn't know the time, you'd lost track of the days.  
A soldier was unlocking your cell, two more posted outside, and he approached you with no caution, and picked you up by the arms. You winced at your broken leg being stretched out as you were pulled from your spot. You hated to think what they would do to you today. You wanted to go home.   
You pushed away the thoughts, you knew they would make you cry, and you weren't supposed to be thinking about your family, you weren't supposed to remember them. You didn't want to blow your cover by being weak. You just needed to get through these days, no matter how horrible they might be.   
The guard dragged you down hallways once more, up stairs, but you were please to see you weren't heading back to the room you were in before, you'd memorised the way there. And this wasn't it.   
You could hear screams, distantly. You froze at that, the guard had to yank you harder and you stumbled, hissing in pain. The guard finally slowed before a metal door, spitting a command in Russian at the other soldiers posted outside it They opened it and you scanned the room. You recognised the same man from the brainwashing, no one else. A chair stood in the centre of the room, and apart from that, the room was empty. Your guard marched you in, and practically threw you onto the chair, your head hitting the back of it very hardly. The doctor waved his hand and the guards nodded. Then they shut the door, nearly enveloping you in complete darkness. The first thing you took note of was that there was no restraints holding you down, you were simply sat in a chair. Whatever they did to you they must've excepted for you to be completely harmless. They must have been certain of it. So you kept up your act, staring forward towards to the door, not uttering a word.

*************

The doctor had a clipboard. The most you could catch of the writing was that it was Russian, and you couldn't read Russian. Great. If you ever made it back to the avengers you needed to study more languages, they would really come in handy in situations like these.  
You were still thinking about that when the doctor starting talking.   
In English   
He still had his Russian accent but it startled you nonetheless, you hadn't heard a word uttered of English since from that nurse in the hospital. Which brought you back, where you actually in a proper hospital? Were you still with HYDRA while you were recovering there? Or was it all just an elaborate trick?   
Your attention was shifted back to the doctor then however, as he cleared his throat and you realised you weren't listening to him.   
"We know that you are an avenger."   
You gulped. Of course he knew, they wouldn't capture a random girl for nothing.   
"We know you are Tony stark's daughter."   
You swallowed again, that was common knowledge. You tried to stay out of the public eye but everyone knew who you were.   
"And we know that it didn't work."   
But those words. Those words sent chills down your spine, made you shake with fear.   
And you just knew what he was on about.


	7. Chapter 7 - That’s going to leave a scar

Words failed you. You didn't even have it in you to deny it. You just felt froze to the spot, like any move could send this man over the edge. It was the same fear you felt when you were strapped down to that table the first day you were here. So you just gulped and stared ahead towards the door, not wanting to look into his eyes. Here in this place they all seemed evil, and because if you did you might start crying – it would be too similar to Tony. You heard him chuckle next to you, the sound hollow and sinister.   
Then a hand coming in contact fast, a stinging pain across your cheek, your head knocked to the side in impact.   
You kept your head dropped low for a second, and gathered your thoughts. Then you took a deep breath, and raised it slowly, looking back towards the door, making sure to convey no emotion on your face. It hurt, really it did - but you wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of seeing it on your face. The corners of your mouth tugged up slightly in a smirk. You promised to be strong, for the team, for yourself.   
"We want answers." The doctor started again. "Our technology is not one to fail, but you. You cheated. How?"   
Again, you couldn't speak. You thought it best to keep quiet, though you didn't actually have an answer yet. You were just about as clued in as him. Your silence seemed to aggravate him more though, and you didn't need that to happen.   
"Your making it difficult for me, Y/N." He said softer than you'd ever heard him before as he reached the pocket of his lab coat and pulled out- a dagger.  
You thoroughly debated running at that point. But how far would you get, you'd mapped the building but without your powers you had no real Arsenal.   
You barely kept yourself from shaking in terror, you could try to disarm him, you could punch the knife right out of his hand. But clearly that was what he was prepared for, considering he left you without restraint on this chair., and he would have guards charging in with more weapons after you.   
He brought the flat edge of the small knife to your face, the cold kissing your face and slowly but surely twisted the dagger over so that the sharp edge was rested against the side of your cheek. It scratched but he didn't press down hard enough for it to seriously hurt- yet.   
"I'll try this again." He cooed. "How did you do it? What powers do you have that kept you from succumbing."   
You really didn't have an answer. So he really didn't know about your once dormant powers. Was it even possible that they could be helping? You practiced in your cell when you got the chance, and you just got the same results you did at the hospital. The same empty feeling. There really was nothing there; at least you thought. But you didn't control electricity.   
Just then you felt the knife press into your skin, hard enough to cause real pain, and a nasty cut.   
He was getting impatient.   
Then it dragged downwards so slowly, the cerated edge digging into your skin like a thousand needles. You felt warm, sticky, blood. You bit down on your scream and you tensed up your whole body, anything to keep you from bolting. You'd been taught to withstand torture of this kind by S.H.I.E.L.D incase a situation ever came to that- a mission went wrong. So you clamped your teeth together, so hard you thought they would break. Tears welled at your eyes, threatening to spill, but you willed them back.   
You were strong.   
You were strong.  
He dragged still, a longer line heading down towards the base of your neck. The blood trickling further, to the point where you could see it dripping on the tiles. The pain builded and builded, it was everything you could do to stop from screaming yourself hoarse. Just occasional grunts slipped your mouth.   
Then it stopped.   
Suddenly.   
And you were slapped again.   
"SPEAK." He shouted, spit flying out of his mouth.   
The cut stung horribly as it was hit, like a piercing pain through your face. You bit down once again and smirked. Now your blood was on his hands, the idea amused you.   
"Maybe you need a little... motivation." He spat, smiling once again that evil smile, and you made yourself look at him, your face cold in a promise. You would kill this man.   
Just then he left the room. Motivation. What did he have, who did he have? The fear set you shaking. If he had one of your team-   
You didn't want to think about it.   
The doctor came back in, a little TV on a stand trailing after him, a guard pushing it. He set it in the corner as you glared and him and he smiled. Just then he clicked a button, on the right of the TV, and the picture started. He left you then, along with the guard, the door closing and locking behind them.   
What you saw on the TV took you a moment to comprehend. You saw people, fighting. Men, soldiers in black, guns out. You saw flashes of blue, and of sliver. Circles and blasts of red. It took you a second.   
Then it all clicked  
You were watching them.   
Your team.   
You stood out of your chair, ignoring your leg and limped and dragged yourself closer to the TV. This was live. But where?  
The worst part about it was that they were clearly being defeated. The soldiers in black charged and shot and tackled and punched and kicked at them. You could only see Steve, and Wanda.   
The tears started. You reached up to touch the screen. You couldn't help your sobs, seeing them.   
Then the TV clicked.   
You saw new surroundings, new people. You saw red, and gold. Tony. Your dad. He was fighting. For you.   
Rage overcame you. You didn't want to see anymore. You pushed the TV from its stand, the screen crashing in pieces of glass on the floor, and you fell to the floor. Blood covered your arm, blood covered the floor. You sat there. Sobbing and screaming and crying, cursing the doctor that you knew stood outside. You barely even noticed when the door opened again, and soldiers came in. You were crying and screaming more and more, you let the soldier surround you. You felt impact on your ribs, the pain blinding you. You were pushed to the floor on your back by the blow. Then impacts all over, you felt pain all over your body, skin contacting with skin. They punched and kicked and surrounded you, and darkness flooded in like that day on the roof.   
You fell into it crying.


	8. Chapter 8 - drowning

Someone was calling your name. Someone was whispering your name. You were brought out of sleep slowly.  
You immediately felt it. Pain, everywhere you could imagine. You cried out softly as you moved every body part, surveyed the damage. All you could do was move your head, they hadn't touched it when they attacked you.  
The memories of yesterday's events came flooding back to you, that cut you hadn't tended to on your face- It could be on its way to infection. The TV, the footage. The interrogation.   
You found yourself realising you weren't wearing your hospital gown, that you had been for the time you'd been captured. Instead you were wearing a black polo shirt, and...trousers? Why?   
The fabric of the trousers rubbed at the bruises and fresh cuts on your leg, and you winced in discomfort, really just coming from all over.   
Your thoughts drifted back. Someone was saying your name. So you were surprised to see no guards, no doctors, not one person posted in or around your cell.   
But then, as if you had summoned them on cue, two guards came marching around the corner. Your breathing was ragged, you hadn't eaten, you hadn't drunk for days. You were drained. It was an effort to keep your eyes open.   
Metal clunked, and soldiers shouted as you were hauled into their arms, and carried away.   
You were taken to a different room, one much higher up in the building than you had ever been taken to before. You were carried up 4 flights of stairs - you counted.   
You were getting a good look at how big the facility was - you'd covered 6 levels in the time you had been here and on this level you could see rare glimpses of daylight. So the levels of your cell, the brain-washing room and the interrogation room were underground.  
At the centre of this large room stood a water tank, about 9ft in diameter. You looked around frantically at the people stood watching you , as you thrashed at the guards, no matter the pain and your body aching for you to stop, that were lifting you into the tank. The cold bit at you, shocked your body as you were plunged into it. It came up to your neck. Water, was one of your powers. You could manipulate and control water when you wished.   
But not without your powers, dammit.   
The same doctor, from your first day here, from the interrogation, approached the front of the tank, and gave you that all too familiar cloying smile. You grimaced.   
"This will only be easy if you cooperate, Y/N." His heavy Russian accent making you feel sick.   
"So we will try this again." You swallowed hard, and focused on controlling your breathing.   
"What powers do you have?"   
You felt this time, that you really needed to speak. You needed to say something, anything. "I don't have any." Your voice came across hoarser than you would've liked. It wavered and shook and you hated to sound weak. What you really were.   
The man shook his head back and forth slowly, a chuckle escaping his mouth. He muttered something in Russian, and guards approached you. You scrambled inside the tank, and flailed your arms. They came over to you and they held your shoulders and head. You saw the man smile one last time before you wet pushed under the surface of the water.   
You thrashed against their grips, kicking at the tank with your legs and reaching up with your arms to try and pry their hands off you. The breath escaped your lungs quicker, the movement wasn't helping you at all. Your eyes were sore underwater, your mouth clamped shut. You screamed into the water, through your clamped lips, as you continued flailing to no effect. Then just when you were nearly almost out of all breath, your body going limp, you were heaved back up to the surface. With this sudden movement you made the mistake of opening your mouth, and in the panic you inhaled a big gulp of water.  
The moment you broke through the surface you coughed and spluttered and spat water out of your mouth. You inhaled deep, long, heavy breaths, and it took a while before the water stopped being sucked up your throat with the breaths and all traces of water were out of your windpipe.   
"I don't-."you blurted out on instinct. "I told you-." Your throat was raw, burning.   
You were becoming dizzy, and it took you everything you had to keep your knees from giving out and you falling back under the water. Your hands shook gently against your sides in the water, the bruised and cuts on them aching.   
"You were at fights. Battles. You would not be there if you weren't gifted." He said, his smile now faded, just pure impatience on his face.   
He thought it was a gift. That same 'gift' that had killed innocent people on a failed mission in London. The gift that was capable of burning cities to the ground. Of drowning. Of making winds so strong it can turn objects to dust. That wasn't a gift. You didn't ask to be stuck with it. Of course, like all great powers it had its perks, you felt safer with it, untouchable. But where were they now that you really did need them. Wanted them.   
You hated being compared to a hero. To being special. You didn't feel like you protected people, you felt like being with them, being able to crack at any moment, always put them in danger. S.H.I.E.L.D had trained you to be a killing machine, an assassin, skilled in the art of death. There was no escaping your past, your upbringing. You were always trained to be dangerous.   
That's partly the reason why you found yourself on the roof that night. The guilt had been eating away at you day by day. The memories. You saw their faces, staring at you with pleading eyes. You couldn't save them. You couldn't go back in time.   
The world. Your family. Would be better off without you. You were a failure.   
You had barely registered that guards were reaching for you. You just felt rage: hot and burning and blinding rage. They had captured you, taken you away from your family. They would pay.   
Out of nowhere you erupted.   
The tank you were in was blasted to pieces, so was everyone around the room- thrown against walls. Shards of glass were propelled everywhere, like knifes slicing though the air Guards came running in, their guns pointed at you, but they all soon fell to the floor.   
You didn't really understand what was happening.   
But it was you.   
Maybe your power, specifically how you could control wind, had come back to you at last.  
But it was in that moment, as destruction and blood lay all around you, the door open and guards running through falling to the ground as you stared at them in shock, that you knew, this was your chance.


	9. Chapter 9 - Prison break

You wanted to run. You were going to run out of time, this was your only chance before backup was called in and more soldiers arrived. But you had to do something first. You practically dragged yourself over to the still, limp body of the doctor, shards of glass cutting through your feet. You looked down into his eyes, they were cold, distant. Dead. You searched his lab coat pockets, looking for anything useful. Anything he had on him that might help you to understand why you were captured here in the first place. You just found a big, brown A4 envelope, folded in the inside coat pocket. And, you grabbed it, preparing to run. But right before you left you spotted a ring. A black band on the mans right ring finger. You plucked it off, as a souvenir. Something of your enemies to keep, to remind yourself that you had won.   
You slid it onto your finger as you limped and dragged yourself through the door, through glass and over bodies. To the right of you, you spotted a window. There were stairs to the left that would take you to a higher level, to an exit. But guards were now running down those stairs, you had no chance. So you hauled yourself and hopped towards the window, your right leg unable to walk on. With your right arm you punched the window, again and again, the envelope still in your left hand. Whatever the ring you stole was made of it sure helped to crack the glass. Tears were running down your face, you were shivering cold and wet, your fist was covered in blood. You punched one last time, with all your might, a scream coming out of you as the glass finally broke around your fist. You didn't give yourself time to comprehend the drop, it was about 2 stories, still high but hopefully wouldn't kill you. You didn't want to die here, escaping the facility, especially in the same way that-  
You threw yourself out of the window, falling for about 3 seconds. As you landed you screamed out in pain, everything on your body seemed to shatter on impact. You landed on concrete, your head slapping against it hard enough to give you a concussion. You looked back up towards the window, the soldiers would be there soon, you had to move.   
There was a forest nearby, through countless gates. You just had to make it there, then could find a spot and be safe for the night. You rolled yourself over and pushed up on your hands. Your whole body ached and screamed in protest as you brought your foot to touch the ground and pushed up.   
Your head was banging as you practically crawled towards the first gate. The guards there were with guns, they were already running towards you. You realised you stood no chance, but you carried on anyway, hauling yourself towards them and the gate.  
Better to die trying.   
As you approached them, they shouted in Russian and aimed their guns. You stuck your hand out, you didn't know why, it wasn't like your hand would deflect a bullet. And they fell to the ground in front of you. All 4 of them, on the floor. You stared at shock and then looked at your hand, what had happened to your powers? What you were doing right now wasn't them.   
You staggered towards the first closed gate, face still painted in shock and spied a booth to the right. Likely where someone would sit and unlock the gates for people. Your head was pounding as you crawled.   
When you reached the booth you grabbed the ledge and used it to heave yourself up. And with all the strength you had left to pull yourself up, you found yourself staring into the booth. The guard inside was passed out, dead maybe, against his chair. You saw a big green button in front of him, surely that would unlock the gate. So you reached even further, your body straining, and pushed the button in.  
Sure enough you heard movement to the side of you, and when you finally turned to look the gate was open.   
Thank god.  
It took every last ounce of strength you had left to haul yourself towards the next and last gate. It was tall and made entirely of vibranium.   
To the right there was a key pad.   
There was a pad, presumably for a thumb, for fingerprint recognition. But it wasn't shaped like that, to fit someone's finger. It was just a small circle.   
In a moment of pure hope you took the ring off your finger. If anyone had access to this gate, it would be the doctor you met. You pressed the ring to the pad, and for a moment it didn't do anything. You knew you'd been wrong.   
But just as you were about to lift the ring away, a buzzing sound filled the air. And you found the wall you were leaning against was moving. You pulled yourself and the ring away and stared in disbelief as the walls before you opened. You let out a small chuckle. But you heard footsteps behind you, in the dirt.   
More guards were coming.   
You slid along the floor, through the dirt and the sand, your cuts rubbing up against the thin grain and your ripped trousers.   
And until your legs were clear of the door, you lifted your hand to the identical key pad on this side, and pressed the ring to it.   
You lay your head down finally and watched as the soldiers ran towards the door. But it closed in front of them.   
You laughed.   
You laughed and laughed and laughed yourself hoarse.   
You smiled. Big and wide.   
You cried, in disbelief.  
You'd escaped.   
You'd really done it.   
And you turned your face one last time towards the sky, and felt the breeze kiss your face as you stared at the endless blue sky above you, content with your victory. You closed your eyes.   
And you didn't open them even as you heard voices and footsteps around you.


	10. Chapter 10 - Reunion

You woke up. Slowly. Bright white light was filling your vision.  
They'd found you  
They'd got you  
Again  
You had to run  
You had to leave  
Leave  
You sprang up suddenly from where you were lying, the world spinning as you moved fast, like lightning, and found yourself crouching, half sitting on the floor, whipping your head round as you willed your vision to clear. But all you saw for now were blurred shapes  
Your leg stung, and ached and protested in pain as you crouched on the floor, ready to face whatever HYDRA threw at you.  
But nothing came  
You tensed and kept your head low, looking at the ground, waiting to be hit, to feel the pain across your cheek, to hear that gut wrenching Russian accent, or to be dragged.  
But still  
Nothing came  
You managed to Straighten your leg, your back, and stand up slowly, still staring at the floor. Your face pained in fear and shock. The floor below you wasn't concrete, or murky white tiles. It was carpet, light grey carpet. Were you in another room ?  
As you were thinking these things, thinking how they could've caught you, gathering your thoughts Staring at the carpet, you became aware of a presence in the room. You could just feel someone around you.  
But something about the floor, about the atmosphere in the room, put you at ease. Something felt different. Something wasn't right. The look of the carpet, as strange as that was, just made you feel safe. It was exactly like the carpet you had in your room.  
Your room. At the tower  
You slowly lifted your head, inch by inch, taking in your surroundings as you did.  
You saw a pair of feet, just one. And when you lifted your head fully finally, shock on your face, your knees crumpled to the floor.  
Because there, in that very room, standing right in front of you, was Tony. Your dad. He was here.  
You started sobbing then, as your knees gave way and you impacted with the ground. He rushed over to your side and hugged you hard.  
And he didn't stop hugging you as he rocked you side to side, still crying into him. You don't know how long you stayed like that, just you two, hugging each other. You heard him sniffle, and then chuckle quietly. You smiled, so wide. You'd made it back, you'd really escaped, you were here, with your dad. You'd spent 6 months without him. But now he was here, and he was hugging you, crying with you.  
You had missed him. So. Much.  
He pulled back, and looked you at you. He had cuts on his face, here and there. As he likes at you he was smiling and chuckling and quietly crying. You lifted your head to look at him, still smiling.  
But then his face became serious, deadly serious, and your smile faded a little.  
"I'm so sorry." He said, through broken sobs, over and over again as he pulled you back towards him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."  
You cried harder shaking your head.  
"It wasn't your fault." You said quietly, a reassuring smile on your face, even as hot tears trickled down your cheek.  
You stayed there for a while before memory and worry flooded back to you.  
"Where are the others?" You asked, worry on your face. The last you'd saw of the team was on the TV, at the fight. They looked like they'd lost.  
Tony smiled at you through his tears. "They're all in the living room, they want to see you, if your ready. You don't have to Y/N  
I'm not forcing you to do anything."  
You were so worried about the team, and to hear they were "all" there and alive sent you crying happy tears once more.  
"I want to see them." You returned Tony's smile. "Please."  
"Okay." He muttered and planted a kiss on the top of your head before pulling away and grabbing you gently to help you up. He gestured to some crutches leaning against your bed.  
"You'll need these. Your leg was broken badly when we found y-."  
He cut off, his voice cracking, but smiling reassuringly at you all the while.  
He helped you hop over to the crutches and steady yourself on them, and fit on a brace. When he was done you moved over to the full length mirror. You wanted to see the damage, you hadn't for months.  
You stared at yourself in the mirror. Cuts and bruises dotted your face, and you had stitches on the side of your face. From that cut, that the doctor gave you reaching down to your neck.  
You gulped and steadied yourself. You weren't there. The doctor was dead. You were safe.  
One thing you noticed was that his ring was still on your hand. You slid it off it quick, and you were confused to see your dad watching in shock as you stuffed it in your tracksuit bottom pocket.  
You turned your attention back to the mirror.  
You lifted up the sleeves of your favourite green sweater, the hundreds of scars there very visible. You quickly pushed your sleeves back down and focused back on yourself.  
You were thin, and deathly pale but other than the cuts and bruises, the crutches and the brace on the leg, and the stitches, you looked like yourself. You smiled and nodded before turning back to your dad, he smiled back to and you took off hobbling out of the room. Out of your room.  
You went down hallways and elevators, an anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach. It wasn't that you were nervous to see them, you just-  
You thought they were hurt.  
You took a deep breath in the last elevator, your dad ruffling your hair. You felt a little sick, and a little dizzy. But it was nothing compared to how you felt as you'd dragged yourself through that last gate on the day you escaped.  
You brushed away the thought; any thoughts of HYDRA. Your were safe now, and your priority was your family.  
"Ready?" He said, turning to look at you as the elevator doors opened and he squeezed your hand.  
"Ready." You Said back, a smile on your face, and you turned towards the open doors, taking one last deep breath, before you approached the doors to the the living room.

**********

The team were all in various states of sitting, standing, and pacing. But as soon as the doors opened with a clunk and your father held them open for you as you concentrated on your feet, hobbling through the door, they all snapped their heads towards you; and stopped whatever they were doing.  
The sight of their faces broke you. The tears started again and you couldn't stop them.  
You looked round at them all. The last time you'd seen their faces had been when you were on the roof, about to end your life.  
"Hey guys." You said, as you balanced on your crutches in-front of the doorway.  
You didn't know where to start, who to go to, what to say. You shifted your weight from foot to foot, uncomfortably, waiting for someone to Speak.  
Wanda ran over to you first, tears in her eyes and hugged you, careful of your leg. When she pulled back she stared at you for a while, before asking tentatively,  
"Will you.......show me?"  
You just nodded, and took a deep breath in as her eyes turned red and she looked inside your head.  
When she was done she stepped back abruptly, tears spilling down her cheeks, and she looked up at you, her mouth open in shock- saying nothing.  
You just smiled at her reassuringly.  
"It's okay. I'm fine." You said and nodded your head.  
"He's- He's dead?" She asked you.  
"Yeah." You responded, the smile fading off your face a little.  
She hugged you again. You stared behind her at the others, at their faces. All of them in regret and sadness and shock. They clearly didn't know what to say either.  
You smiled at them all. They smiled back.  
When she pulled away and squeezed your hand you took in everyone standing around you, took in the room- you felt like you had to speak.  
So you did. 

********

"Guys listen." You started, and shook your head. "I'm so sorry. I was so selfish, I had no right to put you through that. It was a stupid, stupid idea, I just wanted an escape, an easy one. I thought you would all be better off without me." They all had tears in there eyes now. "I didn't talk to anyone about it because I didn't want you to think I was weak, I needed to go on missions as a distraction." You looked at tony now, "I woke up in a hospital bed, and I was so, so angry that I was alive. But then time passed and.... things... happened, and I realised that I was so lucky to have a second chance. I missed you all, so, so much, you were all I thought about everyday, all that kept me going. I'm so sorry. So sorry." 

You were crying heavy now, your eyes and cheeks sore, you breathing raspy. Nat was crying, Wanda and Peter too. All you kept saying was "I'm so sorry." Over and over again until Steve stepped forward, then Nat, Peter. They all came to your side, one by one, and hugged you.  
"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Y/N." Steve said, as he hugged you tight, his voice broken and cracked and deep.  
Peter hugged you. Nat.  
One thing you noticed quickly was that tiredness was seeping into your bones, your eyelids were getting increasingly heavier, and you think Tony must've noticed that you had become quieter, because he stepped forward.  
"You need sleep." He smiled at you.  
The team hugged you and patted you on the shoulder and ruffled your hair and squeezed your hand one by one, saying things like "it wasn't your fault." and "We've missed you."Or just smiling before Tony led you out of the room. You noticed Bucky didn’t speak, he just looked at you with so much guilt on your face and patted your arm. You smiled at them all as you walked outside into the hallway.

"I've really missed you kid." Tony said next to you in the elevator, crying once more.  
"I've missed you too dad." You replied through tears, looking at his face as the elevator doors opened and you stepped out towards your room.  
Safe.  
You were safe.  
You smiled.


	11. Chapter 11 - The Winter Soldier

You were there, In the water tank. You could barely make out any shapes in the darkness of the room and it was deadly silent, the only sound the water, splashing as you thrashed again and again. The room stunk of chemicals, the smell was rancid, it made you feel sick.   
In a split second you heard a voice cut through the silence, a dark, foreboding voice that sounded almost like death itself. It spoke to you. It addressed you.   
"Y/N, Y/N, Y/N." And it clicked its tongue. You couldn't make out where the sound was coming from, it was hitting every corner of your brain, every inch of the room.  
Then someone touched you, out of nowhere. You were pushed inside the tank, inside darkness itself, thrashing and thrashing and screaming into the water. You screamed and screamed and used up your last few breaths trying to get anyone to hear you.  
Then you couldn't breathe properly. Your eyes widened and you had seconds before you would drown. You punched and kicked at the darkness, but it was everywhere, you couldn't reach it, you couldn't pull it away. It stretched for miles and miles and you took a breath in, your last breath, and spent it fighting around the dark-  
"Y/N!" Someone shouted 

********

You bolted upright in your bed, darkness all around you, consuming you, your body hot and sweaty in a tank top and the same sweatpants from earlier on in the day. You reached to clutch your throat, trying to steady your breathing.   
"F.R.I.D.A.Y. Turn the lights on." You said in quick panic, and in a split second the room was enveloped in brightness. You looked around your room and took note of everything. It was as you left it, everything was in its place. You were in your room , at the tower- it was familiar to you, it was a place you felt safe in. Your breathing had slowed down, your heart no longer racing in your chest. You rubbed your eyes, trying to erase the memories of the nightmare, the flashback you just had.   
You thought about going back to sleep, the clock told you it was 2am- The middle of the night- But you couldn't sleep again tonight ; Because you might have another nightmare.  
You reached around to your bedside for your crutches, trying to be as quiet as possible as the metal clanked together, and swung your legs around to the side of the bed.   
You stood up slowly, balancing on your crutches.   
"F.R.I.D.A.Y please don't alert anyone that I have woken up. It'll just cause commotion." You said into the quiet of the room, your words eaten up in the silence of the middle of the night.  
"As you wish Miss Stark." The AI replied back quietly- she got the gist.   
You went to the toilet, struggling, before washing your hands and tying back your hair while balancing against the sink.  
You'd slept with the ring in your pocket. You'd completely forgot about it, stuffing it in your pocket earlier as Tony watched in shock. Why was he so shocked at that?  
You just took it off, and put it in your pocket.   
It was just a ring 

As you approached them, they shouted in Russian and aimed their guns. You stuck your hand out, you didn't know why, it wasn't like your hand would deflect a bullet. And they fell to the ground in front of you. All 4 of them, on the floor. You stared at shock and then looked at your hand, what had happened to your powers? What you were doing right now wasn't them. 

You snapped out of the flashback.   
The ring.  
The ring.  
Oh my god.  
It was the ring all along.  
It all came together, all pieces at once.  
It wasn't some new found power that had the guards falling dead to the floor when you stuck out your hand, No, it was the ring.  
It was dangerous.   
It felt heavy now in your pocket, as you yanked it out and set it in the drawer in the bathroom cabinet. The same one you used to store your knife in. You took the knife out, it was still there after all this time, and stuffed that in your pocket.   
You just felt like you had to take it as some form of defence.  
Just in case.  
You shut the cabinet door behind you, taking a deep breath in through your nose before leaving the bathroom , leaving the ring and hobbling out of the room heading for the kitchen - you'd get a cup of tea, and then you'd think. 

*******

You made it to the kitchen with no noise, and no commotion expect the soft click of your crutches.   
You grabbed a mug out of a cupboard, reaching high and wincing slightly as your leg twinged in pain , as you got it out you were careful not to knock any of the other mugs and glasses next to it. You'd just set it down and flicked on the kettle when-  
"Y/N?" Someone said quietly.  
In one swift, fluid, motion you pivoted round on your crutches, leaning against the kitchen counter behind you for support, and you'd pulled the knife out of your pocket.   
But in front of you wasn't any threat, you realised as you slowly lowered the knife into your pocket,   
It was Bucky.  
He was standing, in a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants, with his non-metal hand outstretched towards you, showing his palm.   
You immediately felt bad.   
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just- .... i thought you were-  
"Hey." He said, cutting you off and lowering his hand. "It's okay. I...I understand."  
You smiled faintly and after a pause of silence turned yourself around back to the kettle, needing to do something to fill the awkwardness.   
It was still boiling. So you grabbed a teabag from a pot on the counter and dropped it in your mug with a soft thump. You drummed your fingers on the surface, just needing to fill the silence with something. Then, saving you, the kettle finally boiled and clicked as it did. You jumped a little at the sound and hoped Bucky wouldn't notice- who even jumps at a kettle? But you were just so on edge after you'd come home.   
You put all your weight on the counter, leaning forward as you poured the water in to the cup and stirred it around, pressing the teabag to the sides of the cup with the spoon. You decided you'd take it without milk or sugar, you only did that when you really needed something strong to help you concentrate. You scooped up the teabag and dumped it in a pot on the counter. You were still aware of Bucky in the room, but you really didn't know what to say so you relied on him to say something to you.   
But then, as you picked the cup up, you realised you'd made a mistake. How the hell were you supposed to use your crutches and carry a cup of tea across the room. You sighed, before setting the mug back down.   
"You want me to grab that?" Bucky asked from somewhere behind you, much to your relief.   
"You are a godsend." You replied, smiling and pivoting back to him, picking up the mug, before he extended a metal hand towards it and lifted it carefully from you. You hobbled over to the living room, but as your favourite chair, the grand piano, the pool table and the dining table all came into view you halted, Bucky stopping soon after in-front of you, turning back to look at you.   
This was where you had been on the day you decided to end your life. Attempted, to end your life. The memories flooded back to you, the dinner, playing the piano, the start of your panic attack. You remembered it all. Your breathing was shaky now, and bile was rising in the back of your throat.   
You swallowed hard, pushing it down.   
You glanced back at Bucky, snapping out of the daze, and smiled at him half-heartedly. You hoped he didn't understand what just happened. You just hobbled on, pushing down your feelings towards this room and heading for the sofa. There was no way you were going to sit on your chair anymore.   
You made it to the sofa and landed down on it hard, letting out a sigh of relief as you did, it had took something out of you to be standing up as long as you did, and it just felt good to relax your legs.   
Bucky was standing a fair distance away from the couch- giving you space.   
"What are you doing up so late?" You asked him, to make light conversation.   
It took a long pause for him to answer. But when he finally did he said   
"Oh I was... having a um- having a......nightmare" He said, his face angled down as he stared at the floor. He was still stood up, he's put your tea on the coffee table next to you and then just hovered. You could see the immediate regret on his face as he said it.   
"Was it- was it about.......them?" You questioned, lowering your voice and not wanting to say the real name, but it still making you shudder.  
And, reaching his non-metal hand up to rub his forehead, in a low voice, almost cracking, he replied  
"Yeah."   
So he understood what you meant; who you meant. You just nodded your head solemnly, Bucky completely unaware of the nightmare and the people in it that you just had.   
"Well, im gonna head back." He said- embarrassment in his voice- much to your disappointment. "Is there anything you need?" He added.   
You contemplating asking him to stay, but he was obviously feeling uncomfortable and you did need time to think about the ring   
So you settled on letting him go.   
"No." You smiled thankfully, and watched him nod, before leaving the room.   
You let out a breath when you were sure he was gone. You felt bad for asking him the questions, you were obviously coming across as pushy, but you didn't mean to be. You were honestly concerned for your friend.   
And suddenly after thinking about Bucky, how uncomfortable he'd been, you didn't feel like thinking about the ring; you'd figure it out another day.   
So you left your tea on the table, and headed back up towards your room, wanting your bed.   
And when you'd made it back and had closed the door softly, F.R.I.D.A.Y immediately flicking the lights on, you came to a realisation. If there was anyone you wanted to tell more about your experience, about the nightmare, the flashbacks, the feeling unsafe, even about the ring- it would be Bucky. Not even Tony.   
Bucky.


	12. Chapter 12 - Checkups & Missions

You woke up from a nightmare-less sleep at 10:30. Tony came into your room after you told F.R.I.D.A.Y to tell him you were awake. He said that you were going to meet Bruce at 11 if you were up to it, just to check up on how your leg was healing.   
You agreed.  
You knew showering was going to be out of the question, with your leg still being extremely painful to put pressure on. Tony suggested having baths, and you smiled and nodded, when you knew there was no way you were getting in a bath. It reminded you too much of- 

You settled on a method. You would sit in the bottom of the shower, legs out in-front of you with your brace off, and wash your hair that way. It wasn't exactly comfortable but it worked well. You were careful with the water, not getting it in your ears or in your eyes. You had to remind yourself constantly that you weren't drowning. You were safe. It was just a shower. As for how you would wash your body, you just did that in the same way, sitting on the floor of the shower. 

Now you just sat, waiting for your hair to completely dry, on the end of your bed, leg back in the brace. You'd struggled into some jeans and t shirt, a flannel shirt over the top.   
Your mind drifted back to the ring as you waited for Tony to come and get you from your room. Was it safe in the draw? Could it be destroyed? How was it made? Why was the doctor wearing it? How did he find it? What even was it?   
The door clicked and your eyes darted towards it.   
"Just me." Your Dad said with a smile as he poked his head around the door. "You ready?" He asked, and you nodded and smiled. You wondered if he knew you were up last night.   
He helped you find your balance on your crutches and the two of you walked - well, one hobbled- towards the lab.   
Bruce was waiting inside, messing with machines and tech. He smiled and paused when he saw you walk in the door, Tony holding it open for you. You smiled back, you'd really missed Bruce.   
"Bruce." You nodded "Good to see you again." You smiled still.   
He'd been out on the roof, one of the closest to you along with your dad and Steve. You could see his face in your mind as he watched you on the ledge-  
"Good to have you back." He walked over and ruffled your hair.   
"Well, if you two are good here." Your Dad said and you nodded, you understood he had business, and he kissed you on the top of the head before walking through the door.   
"Oh, and Y/N." He started "We're all out on a mission later, but Tin-Man will be in to babysit you." He smirked   
You rolled your eyes at him. He really thought you needed babysitting, you were 19 for gods sake, and he blew you a kiss before walking down the hallway, looking smug the whole time. You heard Bruce chuckle a little and you turned back to him.   
"How's the leg? Can you put any pressure on it yet?" Bruce said.   
I haven't tried much if I'm honest. How bad is it?" You asked him, grimacing.  
"Well, come over here and we'll take a look."   
He said, going to stand by a computer next to a little chair in the middle of the room. As you hobbled you passed Monitors and Gadgets and wondered what he had been up to in the time you were gone: whatever work Bruce did- it was usually crucial; important. You sat down in the chair, looking at the screen Bruce was looking at, but you didn't understand any of it.   
"I'm gonna do an X-Ray, just to see how the break is healing. Is that alright?" He asked, turning back to you.   
"Yep, that's fine." You smiled   
"Okay, could you take the brace off? It'll interfere with the reading."  
You nodded and bent down a little to undo the brace. Unclasping buckles and studs while Bruce spoke.   
"F.R.I.D.A.Y can I get an X-Ray? Fibula and tibia, Anteroposterior and lateral please." He spoke to the AI Assistent in a language you did not understand as he tapped at the computer screen. You were never smart in biology or medicine in general. But you were in .. other.. fields.   
Killing.   
You were done with your brace, and it was thrown to the side as you sat back in the chair, your eyes darting all around the room. You never came in here.   
Then the x ray started. And what you could only describe as a blue beam of light, came shining slowly done your right leg. It didn't hurt one bit, it just looked weird. You'd think after all your years living as Tony Stark's daughter, in his house, you would be used to weird tech. You waited for a while, Bruce just tapping his feet and looking around the room, before the blue light stopped, and a picture popped up on the computer screen.   
You didn't need to be a doctor to know that what you did see on the screen was bad. The bone was almost completely severed, just hanging on by a thread on the right side. If it was this bad after days of recover-  
Wait. How long had it been since you were found at the gate. It had completely slipped your mind to ask anyone. Who even found you at the gate?  
"Bruce." You blurted out, without thinking of someone else to ask these questions to.   
"Hm?" He turned round to you.   
"Who.. Who found me at-." You stumbled on your words, the thought of that place terrifying you. "At the gate.....And..how long was I asleep?" His face fell as he heard the words; the ghost of obviously horrible memories on his face.   
You waited patiently for an answer. This might be as hard to talk and think about for him as you yourself found it. You gave him time, looking down from his face to make him less uncomfortable.   
"You- We- Tony and me, we were the ones who found you. You were unconscious then and for 13 days after that."   
You started to tear up at his words, hearing the pain in his voice.   
"You were in bad, bad shape. Almost dead." His voice was cracking now as he stared towards the door, avoiding your eyes.   
"We had been trying for 6 months to find you. Every day, we came up short. But we didn't lose hope. We- We knew you were out there. No one just disappears after they-  
He cut off then, and the tears welling up in your eyes fell, you couldn't help it. He had tears in his eyes too.   
"We finally got lucky after Wanda told us where she thought you were. Then it all clicked for us. We couldn't believe we didn't realise. HYDRA had been gone for hundreds of years, or at least we thought. But really they were working undercover this whole time."   
It took a minute to process his words. Wanda. She told them where you were, that HYDRA- you flinched at the name- had found you. Your mind drifted back to a cold, desperate night in your cell. 

*******

I'm okay. You said again and again in your head, concentrating on her. It's Y/N. I'm alive, I'm okay but I'm not safe. HYDRA. You thought those words again and again trying desperately to "send" them to Wanda. Until you fell to sleep it's them still In your head, clutching your knees to your chest, tears rolling down your cheeks and imagining the faces of the people you loved the most.

***********

She heard, you realised in shock. She really did hear. You must've been thousands of miles away but, she heard. She helped them find you. Before things got really bad she helped them find you. You needed to talk to her. Thank her.  
"Thank you." You said through tears at Bruce, smiling a little, reassuringly. "I'm so sorry." You added.   
He moved over to you then, and grabbed your hand, giving it a little squeeze.   
"Kid, you went through so much. You don't need to be the one apologising." The tears at his eyes had fell now too and he squeezed your hand again.   
After a moment he turned back to your scan and explained your results, and the two of you had a laugh. You were just so glad to be alive, to be back. So glad that as terrible as the circumstances were, you were given a second chance. You'd missed your family. 

You spent the rest of your morning milling about in the lab, and the living room.  
At about 1 o clock, the team were slowly filing into the living room- their mission, right- greeting you as you read a book on the sofa. You flinched when the door opened the first time, quickly looking up from your book at who came in, but you relaxed when you saw it was just Nat and Clint. They saw you jump, but didn't say anything about it.  
When all the avengers had entered the living room, milling round in groups, waiting for your Dad, you were eager to know where they were going, and what could be so dangerous that it required most of the team.   
"Hey Nat?" You spoke, causing the team to cast a look at you. She turned promptly and came walking over to you.   
You asked her "W-Where are you going?" furrowing your brows a little.  
"Just a rescue mission. Nothing we can't handle." She added with a smirk, causing you to laugh a little, and you relaxed.  
Just then Tony entered, causing you and Nat to look towards the door.  
"Right Team, are we all ready?" He said from the door, smiling as you caught his eyes. Then the team started leaving, all looking behind at you, smiling sorrowfully, they knew how much you hated to be left out of things. But what could you do with a broken leg? You'd be more of a burden. But as soon as your leg was healed, you'd be back out there.   
Nat squeezed your shoulder before following them out of the door.   
"Be safe." You called after them, and Tony looked back at you, blowing a kiss. You laughed as he left, and then the room was silent.   
Your stomach rumbled. You became aware you were, in fact, starving.   
So you got up and hobbled to the kitchen.


	13. Chapter 13 - BAD BLOOD

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ // EMETOPHOBIA, FLASHBACKS, PTSD, BLOOD, ANXIETY ATTACK. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF THESE THINGS TRIGGER YOU! 

You'd decided on making a Sandwich, and so here you were, leaned against the kitchen counter, and buttering the bread with a knife. Back and forth and back and forth-  
Just then you felt the knife press into your skin, hard enough to cause real pain and a nasty cut.  
He was getting impatient-  
You snapped out. You'd stopped buttering the bread. You took a deep breath, slowly and steadily, composing yourself and pushing away the memory before starting to move the knife again slowly over the bread.  
He dragged still, a longer line heading down towards the base of your neck-  
You gasped, and stopped once more, seeing the memory clear in your head, the room, the feeling of the knife against your skin. The feeling of wanting to scream but biting down hard on your lip to stop yourself from giving him the satisfaction-  
WEAK  
A voice, all of a sudden.  
The doctors voice, as clear as day sounded in the room, making you jump. You gasped again, turning round quickly on your crutches holding the knife and looking all around the room, scanning every corner of it, pure fear on your face.  
But there was no one.  
No doctor.  
You held the knife out still at the empty room, waiting for someone to jump out of a shadow, of a dark corner, someone to come at you, to hurt you.  
WEAK!  
The voice sounded again, shouting. Shouting loud. It was coming from everywhere in the room, every corner of your brain.  
Every inch of your body shook with the sound.  
WEAK!!!  
It shouted again, deafeningly loud, the Russian accent making your guts curdle. Sick rose in the back of your throat and this time you couldn't stop it.  
You dropped to your knees on the floor, crutches falling with a loud clatter, the knife still in your hand, screaming out in pain as your leg was bent, tears falling down your face. You were sick on the floor in front of you, your throat raw like it was that day in the water tank, when you couldn't breathe. Your breathing had gotten quicker now, you were still screaming out, hearing the voice louder every time.  
WEAK!  
WEAK!  
WEAK!  
You were sobbing now, on the floor surrounded in sick, the voice in your head excruciatingly loud. You clutched at the sides of your head, the knife in one hand, your fingers closing tighter around it. You could feel it press into your hand, and you could feel blood, welling up and trickling down your arm.  
"Y/N!" Someone, someone new, shouted. 

Then the doctors voice stopped. 

You let go of your head abruptly, your hands still hovering in the air either side of it, the knife clattering to the floor loudly.  
You were still crying on your knees, remembering the doctor, the torture, your leg still burning in pain.  
"Y/N!" The new voice, again, sounded from somewhere in the room.  
Then you heard loud and quick footsteps, like running. Someone was coming close to you, you just saw a pair of feet, in black boots.  
"Y/N. Look at me." The deep voice said from above you. You found it in you, amongst the pain and the flashbacks, to lift your gaze from the sick and blood covered floor, to the person standing above you.  
Barnes.  
He knelt down next to a shaking you, not even caring about the sick and about the blood, tears in his eyes and pure pain and understanding on his face.  
"I'm so sorry." He said, in a cracked voice.  
You cried more, the face of the doctor constantly in your mind.  
"Listen, Y/N. You're safe. You're safe, okay. Breathe."  
You did as he asked, through your tears, and he breathed with you, in........and out.........in...........and out...... again and again, your breathing slowly steadying and the face fading out of your mind.  
"You're safe." He continued "You aren't back there, you're safe. You're at the tower, your home, you're in the kitchen, with me. Bucky. I'm here, you're safe.....you're safe." He muttered again and again, the tears still in his eyes and still leaving you space, and your senses slowly returned to normal. Your leg was still screaming in pain, and your hand was still bleeding. You still felt sick, and you had a headache.  
But you were safe. It was all just in your head.  
It was in your head.  
The doctor- he wasn't here.  
"I heard him, Bucky." You cried. "His voice, in my head. It- it was so loud, he was calling me weak, I remembered what he did, I keep remembering. Everything." You looked up at him again, his face reassuring.  
"He can't hurt you anymore, Y/N." He said and shook his head with a slight smile through the tears that were now falling down his face. You'd never seen him so vulnerable. So... open with his feelings. "You’re safe."  
You nodded, smiling through the tears.  
"I need to get up. My leg- it's-." You explained to him and he nodded, slowly moving his hands toward you, palms out, as not to startle you. Then he helped you up slowly, carefully. You hissing in pain a little, grimacing. He helped you stand on one leg, before fetching your crutches off the floor, still supporting you with his non-metal hand. Luckily they weren't covered in sick.  
You put your hands through the loops, forgetting about your cut as you gripped the plastic and put your weight on it, swinging your leg forward. You hissed once more, the cut stretching.  
You made your way to the sofa, Bucky behind you.  
You sat down on it, just relieved to rest your leg. It was still aching, and you wondered how you were going to tell Bruce why it was so much worse if he did another scan. Because you'd screamed so much, you knew it was bad, really bad. You didn't really know wether to take the brace off or leave it on.  
You kept your hand elevated, another hand underneath it, it was dripping and you didn't want to get it on the sofa.  
Bucky headed to a kitchen cabinet, reaching high and pulling out a box. Then he came back and sat down next to you on the couch, placing the box before him and opening it.  
It was full of bandages.  
He explained. "That cut- you don't want it to be infected trust me." And smiled a little before gesturing to the bandages in a Can I? Motion.  
"Sure." You said, your voice hoarse and sore and strained from the screaming and the sick you passed up.  
He took out a roll, and you held out your hand. Then he carefully started to dress the wound, you occasionally wincing a little, and him looking at you apologetically when you did. When he was done you thanked him, and he returned the box to its cabinet, before coming to sit back down next to you.  
Good.  
You really didn't want him to leave.  
When he was sat down you didn't speak, and you looked over to him in the silence, to find him looking at the inside of your wrist. You were wearing a t-shirt and he was staring at your scars. You gasped, realising, crossing your arm over your stomach hiding them and turned to him, looking at the tears welling up in his eyes. He caught your stare and he didn't say anything before he did the last thing you'd expect.  
He slowly rolled back the arm of his shirt, and turned his arm over to the underside of his wrist.  
Looking, you gasped.  
Hundreds of little scars, dotted all around the skin there. Scars like yours. It took you a minute to realise what you were seeing. But when you did, your heart shattered.  
You looked up at him, tears spilling down your face. He looked so vulnerable. You knew he didn't share this part of himself with anyone except Steve.  
"Does it-." You stumbled "Does it ever stop hurting?" You asked him, the tears falling hot and fresh, the sight of his scars, like yours, breaking your heart.  
He answered "No." and lifted his gaze to look at you straight in the eyes. "No. You just have to make room for it."  
You reached for his scarred arm and held his hand, looking into his beautiful green eyes. Both crying.  
You just stared at eachother, in a beautiful moment of vulnerability, for a long time, before he helped you up and to your room, and left you to sleep.  
And you didn't have any nightmares. No flashbacks. You had dreams.  
Beautiful dreams.


	14. Chapter 14 - Tick Tock

You'd expected the team to be back. It was 12:35 the next day when you were waiting downstairs anxiously. They had been gone for roughly 22 hours, without updates. You'd flicked through all the TV channels, the news channels, but there was no coverage of any avengers. That was unusual. Usually the media went mad when you were on missions.   
You tapped your healthy foot again and again, that being the only sound in the room apart from the gentle tick of some clock on the wall.  
What if they were hurt?   
Nat had told you it was 'nothing they couldn't handle.'   
'Just a rescue mission.'   
But they wouldn't be gone this long unless something had gone wrong.   
You hadn't bothered calling any of them, they wouldn't be anywhere near their phones. And you couldn't interfere with the comms they used to keep in touch during missions.   
Bucky padded into the kitchen, now clean of sick or blood, wearing a tank top and sweatpants, smiling at you. You returned the smile, worry creeping in on your face.  
"You know what's taking them so long?" You asked impatiently as he opened a cupboard and went to grab a bowl out. He froze a second when he heard your question, before putting the bowl back on the counter and replying, shaking his head.  
"No." He said, his voice trembling a little, before clearing his throat and passing it off as nothing.  
You caught the sound.  
Your eyes narrowed a little.  
"You're lying to me Barnes." You fired back a little sarcastically, shaking your head.   
You put on your best playful intimidating face and pressed on.  
"Where are they?" He turned around at that, clearly ready to lie.   
"Listen, if they were on a 'rescue mission." You made air quotes with your un-bandaged hand. "They would be back quicker than this. It's been 22 hours." You said, getting a little riled up. You just knew he was lying. He just swallowed, and turned around back to his bowl, grabbing some cereal from one of the cupboards, ignoring you.  
"You know where they are don't you?" You made a guess, and he sniffed a little, basically giving himself away.  
You got up this time, moving to grab your crutches and hobbling over to stand next to him, leaning against the kitchen counter, him opposite you, watching him make his breakfast.   
"You are a terrible liar, you know." You chuckling, and he smiled a little turning round to you.  
"I knew it!" You exclaimed, pointing a finger at him.  
"Tell me! Where are they really?" But his smile quickly faded, and he looked down at the ground then up at the ceiling, as if contemplating what to say. You were getting more worried now.  
"Y/N." He started, turning to you, his face serious, you leaning your head forward a little in a go ahead....I'm listening gesture.  
"Listen, they're-." He stammered, just making you more nervous, you still couldn't predict what he was going to say.   
"They're- They went back to-."   
Went back to  
There were many places they could've gone back to, but of all the places you thought of, you couldn't think why they would, why they'd even need to.  
"Back to-." He cut off once more, his voice breaking, tears starting to well up in his eyes.  
"Hey." You said comfortingly, resting your bandaged hand on his shoulder. You had a feeling of dread in your stomach, but you ignored it. Like that night when Steve came to visit you before y-  
"HYDRA." He whispered, and stared at you apologetically. You took your hand off his shoulder, just shocked.   
"W-Well why- why- why didn't they tell me?" Any thoughts of that place made you nervous, made you stutter. You just looked at him confused.   
"They just- they're just looking for things that could explain why they took you." He said in a low voice.   
"Well- have you heard from them, are they okay?" You asked nervously. As mad as you were right now for them keeping this a secret, you were still worried about them.   
It was still dangerous.  
"I haven't heard." Bucky replied, a grave look on his face. You just shook your head and rubbed your forehead with your non bandaged hand.  
"Hey." He rested a non metal-arm on your shoulder reassuringly and you dropped your hand. "They know what they're doing."   
You nodded. You did trust the team, immensely.   
While you moved back over to the couch, Bucky standing at the kitchen still eating his cereal, you wondered if now was the right time to tell him about the ring. If there was anyone who could know more about it it would be Bucky. You stared at him for a while, in a trance, thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons.   
You just decided to go and fetch it.   
"I just uh, left something in my room." You smiled and explained as you hobbled out the doors towards the elevators.   
  
*******

You'd put the ring in your pocket, and hobbled back down to the kitchen . Bucky was still there, but he'd finished eating now and was milling about round the piano. You could tell he was as nervous as you were for the team- you did believe he hadn't heard from them.  
"Bucky......" You paused on your crutches. This was it. "Can I uh- talk to you about something?"   
He nodded, looking a bit concerned. "Yeah sure."   
You didn't really know where to start, you just stood in the middle of the room, anxiously trying to word how you were going to explain it in your head.  
"Okay so. This is going to sound crazy but um-." You Started.  
"On the day I uh, escaped." Your voice cracked a little. "I stole this ring from......him." You hoped he'd understand who you were talking about and you slipped the ring out of your pocket, being careful and pinching it between your thumb and pointer finger, you were scared of it. "I put it on and when I escaped there were guards with....guns coming after me and uh- I panicked and I held out my hand with the ring on to try and shield myself and well... they all dropped to the floor." You told the story, your voice breaking in places, trying hard not to picture the setting, not to have another flashback. Bucky was just standing there, confused.  
"The ring it, unlocked the gates and let me out. It was like a key. But I only just realised that whenever I held my hands out with the ring on.....well- I think it was what killed them." You really had worded it wrong, but how could you even go about saying this the right way?   
"I think it's a weapon." You concluded.  
"And I think they'll want it back." You said finally, your face deadly serious.  
You heard Bucky gasp softly before talking so quietly he could've been talking to himself.  
"They were- they- I remember. They used to talk about it. Used to talk about a weapon so carefully hidden in plain sight no one would suspect. About manufacturing one." He stammered, shock on his face. Your mouth had parted and your eyes had widened in shock too.   
"F.R.I.D.A.Y." You called to the AI "Do me a favour and wipe any video and audio footage of this room from 12:35 To 13:00." And looked back at Bucky.   
"The team. They can't know about this." You said.  
He nodded his head and took a deep breath.   
"So, so what do we do, what- how- do we destroy it?" You asked nervously. "How dangerous is it?"  
He shook his head. "We don't destroy it." He said, to your surprise and looked at you in the face. "We hide it."   
Okay, that would make more sense. But you still weren't safe as long as you had that in your possession.   
"I shouldn't have stole it. I was angry I- I wanted to take something in revenge but- I've just caused more problems." You were angry at yourself, for putting the team in danger.   
"Y/N, no. Really, It's safer with us, god knows what they could've done with that thing if they held onto it. We hide it." He nodded and you nodded with him, coming to an agreement.  
"We hide it." You sighed.


	15. Chapter 15- BRANDED

Your leg was playing up. Playing up being the nice way to put things.   
The Pain really was excruciating, you could barely think through it. A thousand hot pokers were coming at your leg all at once, all over. It had come on suddenly after your talk with Barnes, and now you were sat on the edge of the sofa, literally screaming in pain as Bucky sat next to you, a hand on your back supportively, asking what he could do to help. Of course he could do nothing, and Bruce wasn't there to even explain.   
You just took deep breaths through the screaming, and decided to take your brace off, to give your leg some air.   
Then the pain, just stopped. Not gradually, just all of a sudden, no pain whatsoever.   
You furrowed your brows and after a minute said,   
"It doesn't- hurt anymore." feeling a little embarrassed, in the last 5 seconds you'd just been screaming and now...  
You groaned out in pain a little though as you lifted the leg of your trousers slowly to your thigh to just check on your leg.  
But what you saw was-  
Bad.  
Both Bucky and you gasped.  
There, on your leg, a little above your ankle, something was, what you could only describe as, burnt -deep- into your skin. Blood all around and the skin inside the burn dark pink, you could see bone sticking out in places.  
And what was burnt into your leg was clearly,  
The HYDRA logo.   
You turned to Bucky, at the same time he turned to you, your mouth open, words failing you, a look of pure undiluted terror on your face. His face deathly pale, and his breathing shaky, swallowing hard.   
What.  
The.  
Fu-


	16. Chapter 16 - Gone with the wind

The moments, minutes, hours after that had been a haze of panic.  
You had no idea what this meant. For you, for everyone.  
You had no idea how, where it was coming from.  
You were scared. God, you were scared. Without the team, without contact with any of them, unable to even go anywhere.  
Or at least, you thought.

In the minutes after the pain stopped and the mark appeared, you'd been inspecting it on your leg, but unable to get a really clear view. And in just a moment of sheer forgetfulness through the panic, you'd bent your leg. You hadn't noticed, there had been no ache, no scream of pain. Just Bucky, staring at you, brows furrowed, mouth slightly parted. It took you more than a moment to realise what you had done that had shocked him so much, before coming to your senses and being shocked yourself.  
Thinking now that there was nothing to lose, you stood up, Bucky lurching at you a little, hands hovering ready to catch you, obviously confused.  
But as you stood, on both your feet, applying pressure to both legs equally and then transferring your weight to your "broken" leg, you didn't feel not even the slightest little twinge of pain.  
Nothing.  
You walked around the room, and then you ran, you hopped on your bad leg, and you laughed softly and shook your head in disbelief. Your leg was back in use, yes.  
But the mark.  
You realised what you needed to do.  
Without giving Bucky any warning, you sprinted out the room, heading to the lab. You heard him call your name but it wasn't long before he was running after you. You took the stairs, 8 sets of them, before you reached the lab. It was unlocked, of course, Bruce never bothered to lock it, for some odd reason. But it was working to your advantages today. You didn't know where to look or what to press or where to go to, but you knew what to say.  
"F.R.I.D.A.Y can I get an analysis on this please?" You nodded to your leg, and the robot responded.  
"Sit in the chair in-front of you please, Miss Stark, and I'll run an observation." You nodded and smiled at Bucky timidly, as he watched from the doorway, hurrying to the chair.  
When you sat down in it a yellow beam of light appeared shining on your leg, much like the one that did at the time of your X ray. You waited eagerly for F.R.I.D.A.Y to make her analysis, drumming your fingers on the chair, before the AI Assistent spoke, and your heart sunk.  
"Miss Stark, I am afraid I can pull up little information on this. It is the HYDRA logo, appearing to have been burnt into your skin. It seems to be the result of some sort of technology stemming from Russia, though I have no exact location."  
Little information. And she wasn't even sure. You just took a breath, and smiled through your disappointment, nodding.  
"Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y." You replied, and rose from the chair, before looking at Bucky.  
"Listen, I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this, about the team." You explained to him, and he ran a hand through his long hair.  
If it weren't for the deadly serious nature of the conversation, you would've found that extremely attractive-  
You pushed away your thoughts, focusing on the team.  
Now or never, you supposed.  
"F.R.I.D.A.Y. Get me the whereabouts of Tony Stark, Stat."  
You moved out of the lab, running to Tony's office on the same floor.  
There, on his table, was already projected a map, and there was a tiny red dot glowing in the midst of the markings.  
Bucky was peering over your shoulder.  
You studied the map for a moment.  
So he was in Russia.  
And where Tony went, well, the team usually followed.  
You zoomed in, you could see the outlines of a large building,  
And judging by the forest surrounding the dot- you pieced it together;  
They were where you had been, at HYDRA's base.  
It had been so, so easy to track Tony, you wondered why it had took so long for the team to find you. But again, you were safe and back with your family, that was all you could wish for.

But whoever was there, whoever was doing this to you,  
They wanted you to find him.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y the whole team, please." You said one last time. You had to be sure where everyone was before you made any next moves.  
Roughly, the team were all in groups somewhere in the building. Steve and Bruce were with Tony, you were grateful to know he had backup.  
You didn't even know if there was any threat, they could just be taking a while. But you had a feeling in your gut, a bad one.  
You noticed, looking at the map longer, That there wasn't 10 dots like you expected there to be. There was seven dots at the base.  
You zoomed out, and saw the other three dots all together, crossing the sea fast and you realised.  
"They're coming here. Just three of them, the rest are still in Russia." You observed the map, they weren't far away from here now.  
"We've got to go, they're nearly here." Bucky hadn't said a word since you'd been observing the map. You turned back to him to see him nodding quickly.  
You ran up the stairs, and out to the landing pad, waiting for the Quinjet anxiously. 

***********

After a while and a couple of minutes of silence, you saw the jet approaching, and it landed soon after in front of you, blowing your hair back in the wind, causing you to squint your eyes.  
When it landed, the doors opened and Peter jumped out, in his suit, but face uncovered, looking in shock at your leg. There were little cuts on his face, nothing too serious.  
He ran up to you and hugged you without saying a word. Thank god he was safe.  
Tears sprung at your eyes, and when you pulled back and looked at him, Nat jumping out of the jet behind him, you smiled a little.  
"What's going on." You asked finally, shaking your head, your voice breaking. "Tell me what's going on." You persisted.  
"I'm so sorry." Peter said. "He's not dead. They- they want something, said you took it."He shook his head back and forth and the words slowly registered. You gasped a little and your whole body froze, you looked back at Bucky, turning your back to the group and mouthing Don't tell them, letting him see the tears in your eyes. You turned back to Peter.  
"Tony, Steve, all of them. Are they hurt? Are you hurt?" You blabbered.  
"They're holding down the fort. Just about. We've been fighting for so long, Tony, he sent us out this morning, to come and get Bucky." He stared behind you then, and Bucky sprang into motion, running forward for Nat. You heard the two of them speak quietly and quickly in Russian, before Bucky turned back to you and Peter hugged you once more before returning to the jet.  
"We'll be back soon." Bucky said to you. "We'll be fine."  
You shook your head and scoffed.  
"I'm coming with you." And charged towards the jet. Bucky held a hand out and softly laid it against your shoulder, stopping you from walking any further.  
When you'd stopped trying to move past him and pry his hand off you, he let go, and stared at you in the eye.  
"It's not safe for you." He shook his head slowly, regret on his face.  
"And you think it's safe for you?" You laughed a little, the tears still in your eyes, furrowing your brows.  
"We have to go." Someone - Clint - called from the cockpit.  
"I'm sorry." Bucky just said, before jumping in the jet, Peter and Nat both giving you small smiles and the door closing behind them, the jet slowly lifting off the ground.  
The tears were falling down your face now, and you just nodded, watching the jet fly off until it was nothing but a speck in the clouds.  
Of course you understood them. You understood it wasn't safe.  
But you felt so scared. Scared for your family.  
And now you were left with yourself and anxiety for company 

And the ring.


	17. Chapter 17 - Damn it

After hours of pacing through the house, stress eating pretty much everything in sight, and constantly checking the map, you'd decided.  
You know what?  
Damn it  
I'm going to find them, and I'm taking the ring with me. You knew they needed help, and if this whole thing was about the ring, you'd just give it to him- if it meant your family would be unharmed.  
You'd gotten changed into something more.........flexible. Something better to fight in, and had retrieved the ring from where you'd stashed it once again in the drawer in your room until you could properly hide it.  
But of course, you didn't need to do that anymore. 

Finally preparing everything and collecting your stuff, you called on F.R.I.D.A.Y to get you a jet.  
And she'd done just that.  
Out on the landing pad was a jet, there was no need for a runway. You climbed in and sat in the cockpit, conducting the safety checks. Of course you knew how to fly a jet, you were Tony Stark's daughter, and S.H.I.E.L.D had trained you- though it was a little much you had to admit things like this did come in handy.  
When you were all ready to go, you set off.  
"F.R.I.D.A.Y, take me to my family." You'd asked her with a smile, and you'd raced off into the sky, concocting plans as you went along. 

PLAN A - You'd try and land as close to the action as possible. If you landed right by the doctor and he was to notice the jet, you'd jump out and present him with the ring warily, bargaining with him. The ring in exchange for him to leave your family alone, never come after you again.  
If you landed far away and you had to kill some guards, well. You had to kill them. You'd slide the ring onto your finger and take care of that, before you reached the doctor and talked to him once again, about the ring.  
If he wasn't in the mood to bargain, you'd wear the ring and threaten him. He knew it's true power. 

As for PLAN B 

well you didn't really have one. 

But you were an irrational person, you preferred to just turn up and see how things rolled out. S.H.I.E.L.D had hated you to be like that, they believed in plans and organisation, in detail.  
But at the moment you didn't have the brainpower left to consider a detailed plan. You'd had a.....weird day.  
You were nearing Russia now , about an hour and a half after you'd set off.  
God these jets were fast.  
As you flew over the sea and onto land, you studied the map to the right of the wheel. About 20 minutes more, and you'd be there with them.  
You didn't necessarily want to, but you were so scared now that your powers had left you, you had to slip on the ring.  
If anyone tried to steal it from you, you'd just kill them. Simple. This way he had to bargain with you, or you wouldn't give it to him, and you knew he would want it more than anything.  
You took deep breaths as you watched the time on the map tick slowly down.  
15 minutes until landing.  
10 minutes.  
5\. Minutes.  
Until you slowed down the jet, and found yourself above the hydra base, it was getting dark, but floodlights were all around.  
The doctor was no where in sight.  
So the second plan.  
You landed the jet outside on the grass, so they were all inside. You could hear shouting as you landed. You could hear screaming. That just forced you on.  
You checked the daggers strapped to your thigh. The guns in your belt.  
The ring on your finger.  
Took a deep breath.

And jumped out the jet, straight into enemy territory. 

You saw no guards around, but plenty of bodies. You stiffened a little at them, before you took off into a sprint, circling the building looking for an entrance.  
You'd turned the third corner when  
BINGO.  
A hole in the wall. It had been punched out, courtesy of Bruce you suspected. You raced through the dark building, the screaming and shouting getting louder. You followed the sound, glass crunching on your boots as you ran, bodies all around you, the building stinking of chemicals.  
You stopped at a down staircase and listened to the building. The screams were echoing, and your brain was tricking you into thinking the sound was coming from up. When in fact it was actually coming from down.  
You practically threw yourself down those stairs, the shouting louder, before you reached another floor, corridors winding.  
You turned another corner and you recognised.  
The window you'd thrown yourself out of. You stopped outside the water tank room. Tears blooming at your eyes and hands balling into fists. You forced yourself to stare at the now empty room, and at where the doctors body once lay, before another scream sent you hurtling back through the corridors.  
If memory served you correctly there would be a staircase down round about.......You carried on running   
HERE.  
You threw yourself down that too, blood coating the floor and squelching quietly under your boots. The screams and the shouts were so loud now, they were almost in the next room. The next room.  
You took a breath, standing against a wall, out of sight from anyone, before peering around the corner quickly and quietly, revealing 3 guards standing outside a door.  
You prepared yourself  
And stepped out from the shadows, ready to kill.  
Your saw the guards eyes widen at the sight of you, and the black band on your finger, before you stuck your hand out, a sweet smile on your face, and they all fell together almost silently to the floor. You still weren’t used to it You walked slowly to the door then, the screaming stopping.  
And finally, you rounded the corner, stepping in the doorframe, a sick smile on your face.  
You quickly looked around the dark room, past the doctor holding a dagger. The team were all here; even Bucky; and Tony. All kneeling on the floor, in various states of bloodied and bruised, some worse than others. Bruce in human form, you noticed. The sight of them almost broke you right there on the spot, but you showed no emotion apart from that sick smile.  
Their eyes widened and mouths parted as they saw you.  
Tony shook his head at you,  
While Loki smirked.  
You smirked back.  
You were untouchable now.  
Right?


	18. Chapter 18 - Meanwhile, in Russia

"Awfully nice to see you, Y/N." The doctor said, his accent you had been hearing in your head sending shivers through your whole body.  
You nodded, swallowing hard, and trying to smile again.  
But your face was locked in fear, your breathing quickening.  
"Give me the ring." He stated in a commanding tone, any trace of evil smirk on his face replaced by a haunting look of anger.  
You weren't giving up that easily.  
"No." You simply said. You were aware of the team in the room but you kept your eyes fixed on the doctor. He chuckled a little.  
"Give me the ring, or I'll kill your family." You froze then. He still had a bloody dagger in his hand, and you let yourself look at the team.  
There were no restraints, no gags, just nothing.  
Just them, kneeling.  
What had he done without the ring that caused them to succumb to him so easily. What had he done to them?  
He had just a dagger clutched in his fist,  
you could fight him off.  
A split second decision, as always.  
And you were lunging for him, aiming for the dagger, aiming to swipe it out of his hand.  
But as you leapt, you were falling.  
Your knees made impact with the floor and it took you a second to even recognise the pain.  
The pain so similar to this morning with Bucky.  
The same pain, from your leg. Blinding you again.  
just pure mind numbing, excruciating pain, racking from your leg through your whole body, freezing you there on the floor.  
Then it stopped  
You fell back on the floor, your head hitting the concrete with a soft thump, your eyes closing for a second.  
You opened them abruptly, and without a moment of thought, pushed yourself up off the concrete, your head throbbing in answer.  
You made eye contact again, he was smirking.  
You were on your feet now, a little unsteady, the pain and your lightheadedness knocking you off your balance just a little.  
You grabbed a dagger, strapped to your thigh, and charged for him once again, and he simply turned around to face the team.  
Then he walked over to Nat, twirling the dagger in his palm playfully.  
You stopped in your tracks, and walked backwards slowly.  
You saw her swallow hard and raise her already bloody chin.  
Fear set in and you shouted  
"NO." Startling yourself a little with the volume.  
He froze a little, before pivoting around back to face you, a wide smile on his face.  
"Not them." You said, quieter, tears prickling at your eyes and you willing them away.  
You looked at your hand then, at the ring, and reached over to grasp it, before going to wiggle it off your finger.  
"DONT." A sound cut through the air, a familiar voice, causing you to leave the ring and whip your head up and around the room to where the sound was coming from. You'd know that voice anywhere, it was your father who had shouted.  
You looked at him, still kneeling there, tears in his tired, already red eyes, you let him see the confusion on your face, before another voice from opposite him grabbed your attention.  
"If you take that ring off, you'll die." A voice said.  
Steve.  
His words sunk in as you looked at him, though barely registering his face, as thoughts raced around your head.  
You looked back at the ring in confusion, before looking back up at the doctor, bewildered. He was chuckling again, and you waited for him to answer you. He let out a breath as if starting to tell a long story, and he spoke in that petrifying Russian accent.  
"When we... branded you."  
Branded you.  
Branded. You.  
The logo on your leg.  
"We knew you had the ring in your possession. And so we made a connection, from my ring." He put emphasis on the 'my'  
"To that mark on your leg. That's why I am able to control you, to bring you pain. I am the original and the only wielder of that ring, it's power can still be manipulated.  
After you stole my property, I wanted to make sure it never happened again. That's why I forged that mark. That mark ensures that you die when the ring is returned to its master.............................me."  
He said with amusement.  
A strangled gasp left your throat and several members of the team lowered their heads behind the doctor.  
You were speechless. Everything.  
Everything came together.  
"If you do not give me that ring, Y/N, I will kill your family and I won't hesitate." His smile became demonic. "I will immobilise you with pain so excruciating, while you watch your precious little avengers killed in front of you, one by one." He smiled still.  
"No." You said quietly, in disbelief. He couldn't-  
He- he wouldn't hurt them-  
Surely.  
"No." You said again.  
"So give me the ring, and your 'family' doesn't have to come to any harm."  
The team were shaking their heads, or crying, or their faces were hidden from you, staring down at the floor.  
Your father was the only one making direct eye contact with you. He shook his head in a silent warning.  
You, or them.  
You. Or them.  
It was you.  
Or them.

You reached your hand over slowly to the ring once more, and grasped it.

You stood there in the doorway, and the world went quiet.  
The earth turned slower.  
It was like time itself, had stopped for you.

You'd done this before, right, you smiled through the pain.  
You'd once been so ready for death, you'd welcomed it in.  
You were scared.  
You were so scared.  
But you still smiled.  
You needed to do this.  
Don't be scared.  
You need to do this.  
It's you, or them.  
It's you.  
Or them.  
Don't think about the team-  
Don't picture their faces-  
Don't.  
They'd forgive you.

You took a deep breath in the silence, everything around you blurred and slowed.  
And when you exhaled, you grasped the ring.

And you pulled 

Then.  
You fell.


	19. Chapter 18.2 - TRIGGERED

She was silent. Her gaze was fixed nowhere in particular, her eyes looked cloudy. She looked distant.  
Thinking, she was thinking.

He knew you only had limited time, he knew you would choose to die if it meant it was benefiting your family. He knew because he'd seen it first hand. The memory of the roof, the first night and the last. He couldn't save you, he couldn't do anything.  
But Peter did.  
She didn't know that.  
Peter had jumped off the roof after her. And Peter had been shot in the process.  
The memories haunted him still, 6 months later and now here he was, letting it happen again.  
He made eye contact with Bucky, and he nodded.  
And right there in that moment, is where he saved her life.

"желание." Steve started, quietly, and Bucky closed his eyes, his breathing heavy.  
The doctor turned, and froze as he carried on.  
"ржавый." He carried on. "семнадцать." Bucky's breathing had become heavy. The rest of the team were watching Steve, open mouthed.  
Scared, really.  
"рассвет. печь." Steve kept his breathing steady as Bucky stood up.  
The doctor was watching them, frozen on the spot. Y/N's eyes were still distant, she was unaware.  
"Девять. Добросердечный. Возвращение на Родину." Steve's words were louder and quicker every time, until he was practically shouting. Time was running out for him. "Один." Then he shouted, the last word, Bucky standing fidgeting violently, his head jerking. He hadn't heard these words in so long, he didn't know how he would react. He could only hope.  
"ГРУЗОВОЙ ВАГОН." And the room froze, waiting for action.  
Bucky looked him in the eye, and Steve darted his eyes back to Y/N, her eyes were still cloudy, and her shaky hand was reaching towards the ring slowly.  
"солдат." He said quickly.  
Bucky looked him in the eye before replying "готовы подчиниться."  
"Убить." Steve answered straight after and pointed to the doctor, now frozen to the spot and looking scared out of his skin. He wasn't expecting this, and neither were the team. But he and Bucky had talked it over, if they were ever in a terrible situation, he could trigger the winter soldier.  
Bucky lunged for the doctor and grabbed the dagger out of his hand skilfully and swiftly. Some of the team looked away as a slice was heard through the air, and then a thump.  
Then another thump. 

The doctor was on the floor, blood pooling at his head, and Y/N,  
She was on the floor too, in the doorway.  
You rushed over to her with Tony, and when you reached her you glanced at her hand.  
The ring was gone.  
God.  
Steve dropped his head, a million thoughts in his head, ringing in his ear. He'd lost her. Really, this time.  
But Tony. "There's a pulse." He said, his voice breaking a little, and tears in his eyes. 

The whole room seemed to sigh. 

She was safe, she was fine.  
You looked round at the team, and nodded at them all.  
They were so,  
damn,  
lucky.


	20. Lil’ Update

Hi guyssss,   
thank you for all of the kudos and the hits. This story is like my baby and I love writing it so much but I’m just making a little thing to say that I’m going back to school at the moment and so I’ll be updating less regularly because I’ll only have time to write in the evenings :(   
But I’ll try and update once every three or four days :)   
Thank you allll < 3


	21. Chapter 19 - The jet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m back :) this chapter’s pretty short but I have been writing snippets at the end of every day. It’s the weekend now so I will probably have chapter 20 up by Sunday and that will be longer !  
> Expect more different POV’S ;)

STEVE

She was unconscious the whole way home.   
I couldn't even bear to look at her, every-time I did I broke down-  
I just felt guilt.   
Pure and utter regret.   
She had saved our life now, it was getting out of hand, she'd already been through so much. How was I going to repay her?   
"Hey." Bucky spoke from next to me in the Jet, where I had my head in my hands. He'd returned to normal by now, i knew he vaguely remembered what he did. But i knew Bucky extremely well- whatever he did remember, he wouldn't feel any guilt at that death. Everyone was so glad that sick bastard was finally dead.   
I owed a great deal to Bucky as well as Y/N, for willing to do this; because sure as hell it wasn't easy for him.   
I lifted my gaze up to his, his face bruised and bloody, and his lip cut. I smiled a little at him, to reassure him I was okay.   
"I just....feel so guilty, Buck." I started talking, shrugging my shoulders, and dropping my head to look at the floor.   
"Y/N, You, just the whole thing. It's messed up." My head was back in my hands now, and Bucky leaned back against the wall to the side of me, as if agreeing. "If I had been able to talk her down that night-." My voice broke a little, and I tried so hard to keep the tears from falling. "None of this would've happened. Peter being hurt, Y/N being took and tortured and-." I broke off again, avoiding the bad memories and also not quite sure how to put my thoughts into words. "It's just regret and guilt. It's eating away at me, really." I concluded, hoping that didn't sound too dramatic.  
Bucky just sighed next to me, and patted me on the back a little, before smiling at me.   
I was also concerned for him.   
"How are you doing?" I asked him, he just went through a lot, and something he hadn't been through in years.   
He nodded.   
"I'm fine." He said solemnly. "We did the right thing." And looked down the jet to where Y/N was lying, Nat, Tony and Bruce around her.   
The way he used 'we' put me at ease a little, i knew he wasn't angry at me, we had talked this over beforehand, but I still felt responsible, for any guilt- any unease this could now cause Bucky.  
Everything-   
Everything was messed up.

"We're landing in 10." Clint called from the cockpit soon after mine and Bucky’s conversations.  
The minutes after Clint had spoken were enveloped in silence. The rest of the team all in various states of sitting on the floor or dressing their wounds, even Tony, Nat and Bruce had gone silent standing around an unconscious Y/N. I felt the need to say something.   
"Guys." I said a little quiet, and the team all slowly turned their heads to me. My eyes started to sting and blur and this time I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face. "H-How do we ever repay her." I clenched my teeth together hard and kept my breathing relatively steady, trying desperately to keep myself together. The team all looked the same as me, all on the edge. All probably thinking the same thing- knowing the same truth however ugly it was.   
If Y/N wasn't there. Even if it wasn't at the time she was, then we would've died. That's the truth.   
I stand up. I'm not sure why though I think some part of me is trying to establish control- whatever that really means anymore.  
They followed their gazes up.   
And I looked around the room, took in everyone's bloody and battered faces.   
"She took it upon herself to come all the way to Russia, and she saved us. If she wasn't there in time who knows what could've happened." I addressed the group solemnly. Bruce nodded.   
"He put us on our knees- the avengers." I laughed a little. "He put us on our knees and he threatened us. For years we've been unafraid and unaware of this group, this organisation. But we still kneeled there. Then just as we were really losing any hope of a plan, Y/N came. Why did we stay there? Why did we let him? If we were to die then, it should’ve been fighting. But we kneeled, for that sick bastard. Why?" I asked. People were dropping their heads.   
"We can't let it happen- ever again." Thor spoke up, in the silence that followed. I nodded and sighed.  
"It can't come down to Y/N." I concluded, I had to make that clear. Thor shook his head, and when he looked up I nodded at him. Nodded at all of them, holding eye contact. So we were all agreed.   
I looked over at her body, still. Right there in that moment she looked vulnerable, fragile.  
But really she was the opposite. I knew she was a fighter, there was no doubt about it. I knew she wouldn’t have jumped off the roof if she got help, but she was left to deal with it on her own. I blamed myself for that.   
I knew Tony did too.   
I think everyone felt like they had a part to play in her attempt. We had no idea- I had no idea. If we knew, if she just talked to us, we could’ve helped. None of this would’ve happened.  
I do not blame her.  
But I blame myself. 

I walked over to Y/N, nodding at the group surrounding her, and sat down in a chair closest to her, that Tony had just vacated. I looked at her, her scarred face, her lips still slightly tugged up in a smile.   
And I stayed there, until the jet landed.


	22. Chapter 20- NEW BEGINNINGS

STEVE

Y/N had woken up a day after the flight home. She'd been in her room for a couple of days and no one apart from Tony had seen her. But from what me and the rest of the team had heard, she was up and about now. 

Y/N

I took the elevator down from my room alone. Tony had to go and work in his office, the team were scattered throughout the building, keeping distance. I knew it would take some time before things were the same again.   
I sighed, as the elevator slowed.   
I just had to be patient.   
When the doors opened I walked out, my leg felt fine now, and it felt nice to walk around without my crutches.   
Tony told me what had happened. The whole thing. Because he was dead, the mark had disappeared, and in the time you were in your room, Bucky, Loki, Thor, Steve, Nat and Clint had gone to hide the ring. I didn't ask where they hid it, I knew Tony would tell me but I didn't really even want to know where it was. It was better that way, to be clueless, because then what I don't know can’t hurt me.   
I quickly stepped back in the elevator, with one thing to do.   
"Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y, where is Bucky?" I asked, and as she responded I headed off to the Gym. The first of my demons I would conquer today. 

Some time after I found a sweaty Bucky punching a punching bag. I didn't really know if he would hear me if I knocked, as my knuckle hovered over the door to the side of me.   
But I didn't have to do anything more, because he turned to me, hair all falling round his face, wearing a tank top and sweatpants, breathing heavy and ragged.   
"I don't want to disturb you, I can come back later." I said as I turned towards the door.  
"It's fine." He said and I stopped and sighed a little inside, the corners of my mouth tugged up in an awkward smile.   
I moved over to a chair in the corner of the room, and plonked myself down on it, Bucky unwrapping his bandaged hands, to reveal bruised knuckles. I looked away, and down at the floor, before he could catch me looking. I didn't need to remind myself how he got those bruises or who, pretty much, gave them to him. Even if they were small, nothing that would bother him. Every cut, every bruise, every little injury I was responsible for.   
"I uh- I just." I cleared my throat. "Thank you." I didn't even know what to say, and I just felt awkward when he didn't speak. So I tried again, taking a shallow breath in the quiet of the room, starting again.   
"This whole thing happened, people got hurt, because I jumped off the roof. I took the easy way out I uh- I didn't try. And I'm not really sure what to say I just-." I cut off. Hoping he would speak, something would fill this silence.  
"Buck. Tony- he um.. he told me." I tapped my fingers together.   
"Thank you.............................Thank you." I hoped I'd said enough, there was so much going on in my head I couldn't get it out and into words. It was all too much to process. I practically owed my life to Bucky. I just couldn't comprehend everything in my head at the moment.   
"Y/N." Bucky's voice was hoarse, and he sounded tired. That just made my heart sink and i dropped my head, the tears involuntarily welling up in my eyes. I just stared at the floor.   
Bucky crouched down to my level, and I knew he could see the tears falling. I didn't want to be weak, I didn't want to be crying.  
But everything was too much.   
Everyone's grief, and seeing it so evidently on their face, because of me. Tony- Bucky.  
Crouched down next to you, Bucky spoke, in a soft whisper.   
"I'm not angry with you." I closed my eyes in pure relief but also disbelief and shook my head, tears still falling steadily down my face.   
"How?" I asked, my voice muffled a little, still staring straight down at the floor.   
He just shook his head, obviously not going to say anything more.   
I looked up at him. He'd seen me at my absolute worst, and he wasn't scared away. He wasn't scared of how much of an utter mess of a girl i was. He was still here. So was everyone.   
He carefully lifted a non-metal hand, and lightly brushed away my tears, making me smile a little, before we both stood up and I pulled him into a hug.   
My god, I was so grateful.   
To have him back.   
"Thank you." I muttered once more, into his shoulder, before closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of his arms wrapped safely around me. 

I pulled away a little while after, and he ruffled my hair. "Your dad told me to tell you we have another family dinner tonight- if you are ready." He looked tentatively at me. I breathed in deep, and nodded.   
New beginnings.   
He smiled.   
"I hate them just as much as you, you know." He said, and we both laughed a little, before walking out of the gym, and talking and laughing all the way to the living room. 

Nat was in the living room when we walked in, and the first thing she did was give me a bone crushing hug. I laughed a little as i basically struggled to breathe and she released me just as i was going to complain. She looked at my face and smirked a little.   
“She’s back.” She said. And I smiled at her.  
New beginnings.  
Nat made me a hot chocolate, and we sat in the living room basically catching up. Wanda came in halfway through, giving me another hug and Bucky left, leaving us to chat.   
I really had missed our girly chats. For 6 months.   
We’d talk about everything. We used to hide out in one of our rooms and watch movies and just talk into the night. After all, we were the only girls living in the tower.   
Pepper left my dad when I was young, I didn’t really understand what was going on, just that my mom disappeared one day and never came back. I don’t keep in contact with her.   
Sometimes I do wish I had a mom- my mom-back. But I wasn’t eager to know her. Me and Tony did just fine and after all, what mom just walks out on their child.   
I asked how Wanda and Vision were, about Nat’s love life.  
And about what happened in the 5 months I was gone.   
They looked a bit reluctant at first, but after a while they warmed up to me and basically just said that they were trying to find me. Pulling all nighters every day, even flying to Russia when they found out that was the country i was in. They had no real directions because the base was heavily warded, the work of some sorcerer or something, but when I “killed” the doctor the first time, all the wards were lifted. After that he didn’t bother to put them back up again, in order to lure the team to him, but that they didn’t know at the time.   
I told them about the TV, not going into any details whatsoever of what happened before and after, and to my surprise they said that wasn’t live footage.  
It was from one of the missions they had gone on- from the one on the day where I-  
The doctor was simply doing that to scare me, to make me less volatile, because he thought my powers were still dormant-  
Which immediacy brought me back to that fact.   
“My powers.” I blurted out, clutching my mug in my hand. “When I was there, they weren’t working. Well at least I thought they weren’t. When they tried to do some- um..” I swallowed “Things. They didn’t work. I thought my powers were helping me out but really I think that I was somehow channeling the energy from the ring.”   
They knew about the ring. Bucky had explained to you on your way here that only when he made sure the doctor was dead, he told them. You weren’t angry with him. Everything would be easier if they knew, now that he was dead.   
“I never thought to check if I had them back. Maybe they somehow put a cap on them, but when I used to try in my cell.” They flinched at that word. “There would definitely be no sign.” I shook my head, and put my mug in between my thighs. I extended a sleeved hand, still covering up my scars, unlike Bucky, who had now taken to not worrying. You were happy for him, but you weren’t ready yet.  
There was no rush.   
Nat and Wanda watched silently as you tried to summon your powers.  
You focused immensely, it helped that you were comfortable at home. You were silent as you controlled your mind, clearing your thoughts. You breathed deeply, in and out. Concentrating hard, your hand still outstretched palm up.   
THUMP.  
You flinched, and lost concentration, bringing your arm back to your stomach, Wanda and Nat were running somewhere. You looked after them, before running too, dropping the mug on the floor in the process, towards the door next to the kitchen and quickly seeing a groaning Loki on the floor. When you got to him you knelt down next to him.  
“Loki. What’s wrong?” You said quickly, looking over his body, but seeing no signs of injury. He just screamed louder, and you saw Wanda kneel next to his head, and outstretched both of her palms, intricate patterns of red glowing and gathering around them. Her brows furrowed.  
“I can’t get through.” She said in disbelief and confusion quietly, Loki still screaming.  
I shook his arm, and Steve came running in, i heard him speak, but i wasn’t focused on that.  
“Loki, tell me. What’s wrong. Tell me.” I squeezed his arm, and he rolled over so he was on his side, his knees tucked into his chest, still screaming. The sound was gut-wrenching.  
“N-new powers. I was researchi- came to tell you.” He stuttered out, his voice hoarse, before screaming again.   
My eyes widened.  
In a flurry of panic and not even knowing why I did it I closed my right hand into a fist, and Loki stopped screaming.   
I let in a very shaky breath, mouth open wide and stared at him, before he slowly uncoiled and Steve helped him back up onto his feet.  
I took a few steps back, putting my hand out behind me and it quickly meeting with the kitchen surface.  
Everyone was looking at me, including Loki.  
“It can’t be possible.” I uttered, and the team all looked on with mouths open and eyes wide.  
“It can’t be.” I whispered again, and looked at my hand. It looked the same, nothing was amiss.  
I shook my head, and looked back up at the team, all frozen. Tony and Bucky running in, looking confused and scared.   
I had a hand on the kitchen counter to steady myself as I shook. 

So new beginnings, right?


	23. Chapter 21 - Group hug

TW // EMETEPHOBIA 

My breathing quickened as I stood in the room, the teams gazes fixed upon me, waiting for me to speak. But I couldn't.   
My breathing was quickening by the second, until I became light headed. My grip on the kitchen counter behind me was tightening, until my knuckles were white and it became painful. I tried to steady myself there, something solid to hold onto.   
All of the team were here now, they'd all rushed in to see what was happening, and joined the crowd.   
The silence around the room was deafening.  
My breathing was still getting quicker and quicker, my head turning, a terrible sick feeling in my stomach, my hand gripping harder onto the counter. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe.  
My hand reached up to grab my throat, but every shallow breath felt like I was breathing underwater, my lungs weren't collecting enough air. I started to cry, in panic, tears falling hot and fresh on my cheeks.   
I felt like I could throw up.   
As if in answer, bile rose at the back of my throat but I swallowed it down, In an attempt to help my breathing, now through my nose and my mouth, swapping between the two in some attempt to help breath.   
The world started to spin around me, and the people in the room became blurry, my knees gave way and met with the cold tiles of the floor.   
I heard ringing in my ears, distracting me, stopping me from thinking straight. I closed my eyes, to get rid of the disorientating, blurry version of the room. I hugged my knees to my chest; clinging onto them as if I was keeping myself together.   
In the darkness of my closed eyes, a noise cut through the ringing, loud and crisp and clear.  
"Hey, Y/N." It said. "Open Your eyes, look at me." I opened my eyes, to find Bucky close to me, everything behind his face was blurry, so i focused on him before he asked.   
"Good, now breathe with me, okay?" I found it in myself through the sickness and panic to nod.   
"In.........." he took in a deep breath, i did the same, struggling "and...out.............." i pushed the air out of my lungs, the breath wavering. "In............." he started again, and i copied him. "And out............." I took another breath out, and my vision started to clear. "In..................and out..............." I carried on like that until finally my breathing had returned to normal and i didn't feel like i was about to throw up everywhere.  
I quickly registered what had happened, and stood up abruptly, still feeling just a little dizzy.   
"Oh my god. I'm sorry." Embarrassment crept in to my cheeks and i wiped my eyes and looked at the group apologetically. Tony stepped forward as Bucky stood up and he hugged me. He didn't let go. At some point, Wanda moved over to me, and hugged me as well. Then Nat drifted over, and Steve, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Vision, Clint, Peter. All except Bucky came over and joined what was now a group hug. We used to do this before every mission we all had together. It almost felt like old times.   
I was so close to your family.   
We all loved each other greatly.   
Tears were blooming at my eyes now, and I felt like they were literally holding me together. I could see Bucky in the corner of the room, and he caught my stare. I smiled; group hugs weren't his thing- and then laughed a little at him. He returned my smile, chuckling with his mouth closed slightly.   
My laugh set off tony, and Steve and Nat, until the group were smiling and laughing with you, some of them sniffing too.   
"So." Tony spoke, in the middle of the rabble. "Group hug?"   
I laughed, and the team started again, Bucky laughing outside the circle too.   
My family really were crazy.  
But also crazy supportive.   
They would help me with my new found powers, i wasn't alone in that. I wasn't alone in anything anymore. I really had nothing to be scared about, I knew I wouldn't let myself hurt somebody else accidentally. I would be careful now.   
It really made me realise how much my family cared for me, and the thought had happy tears rolling down my cheeks.   
The group naturally broke away, and people patted me on the head and ruffled my hair and hugged me once more, laughing with me, most through misty eyes.   
I really was home. 

I found myself in my room, 2 hours later, getting ready for dinner. I slipped into a long sleeved black turtleneck and some ripped jeans fastened with a belt, the top tucked in, going for something a bit 'fancier' than my usual sweatpants and flannel shirt. I topped it off with a necklace, one Tony bought me for my 19th, last year. It was a silver chain with a little silver star. 'Star' used to be his nickname for me.  
It was coming up on my 20th birthday.  
Those 6 months I had spent at HYDRA, had been half a year, though I'd been unconscious for most of them.   
It was September. I'd jumped in February and escaped in august. My birthday was in early November, so there was still a month to go. I was just glad I was going to be home for it, that I didn't spend it unaware in a coma.  
I fastened the necklace, and tied my hair back in a ponytail, leaving two strands of hair at the front framing my face.  
The stitches had been removed from my cheek, and neck. Tony had done it for me after I'd got back from Russia the second time. But there was an ugly scar, a bright red line, constantly reminding me of what had happened. It was likely that would never fade, it had been a deep gash, and worse it had been infected.   
The world knew I was an avenger and Tony Stark's daughter. They were very aware of it. Paparazzi used to swarm my dad whenever he was out with me when I was little- but now I'm older they leave me alone. And I'm extremely grateful for that. Anyone who saw this scar when I was out in public would leave it alone, of course they'd be a little curious but what do they expect really? We come back bruised and battered from every mission.   
Maybe if they saw this scar, they'd back off. Know I shouldn't be messed with.  
When really I didn't get it fighting- no, I got it the opposite way.  
I took a breath, and turned my attention away from the scar. I was all ready, so I pulled my phone off my bedside table and slipped it into my pocket. I barely used my phone, i don't have any friends to message that don't all live in the same building.   
I just liked to carry it incase I ever got bored and wanted to play a game or read the news.   
I headed down to dinner- Wanda and Steve were cooking, so it should be good.   
I could hear them before I reached the glass doors, the laughing and the loud voice of my father above them all. I smiled a little, and rounded the corner to the doors, before pulling them open, people snapping their heads over to look at me.   
I greeted everyone, and joined the conversation in the living room, plonking myself on the sofa next to me dad while the food was cooking.   
"Y/N, so we were having a bet." My father started, and I smiled and cocked my head a little- interested. "Capsicle #2 over here." He gestured to Bucky and you smiled at the nickname. "Denies ever having watched fifty shades of grey and is totally clueless to anything about it." I laughed out loud, as Nat and Clint laughed too, the rest of the group with smirks on their faces.   
Bucky threw out a hand and raised his eyebrows. I thought for a second, looking at him, before standing up and heading towards the small bar in the corner of the room.  
"He's definitely watched it." I uttered, and the group laughed. I turned round to see Bucky smirk a little and heard my father practically shout.  
"I KNEW IT!"   
I laughed, properly laughed, before I got to the mini bar.   
I didn't usually drink, but after this whole day, I needed something strong. I poured myself a vodka, because that was pretty much the only strong thing I liked.   
Again, not a big drinker.   
I made my way back to the couch, to see Tony smirking and saying something about Steve having watched all the films, and pretty much being horrified.   
I laughed again, before sitting back down on the sofa. But it wasn't long before Wanda called us over for dinner.   
The team all drifted and made their way over to the dinner table, and I hung back a little, taking a sip of the vodka.   
"Isn't that a little strong for you?" Bucky asked, a smirk on his lips. I smiled and laughed a little, showing my teeth as I walked alongside him to the table before speaking again.  
"You've totally watched it." He laughed too, and shook his head, before sitting down at the table, in his usual spot.   
I took the spot next to Nat, and Wanda and Steve were in the process of putting our plates down in front of us. When they'd done, Steve sat down next to Bucky, uttering something to him I couldn't quite catch and Wanda sat on my other side.


End file.
